But we are not alone in what we face and how we react and feel about it. Others face similar trials and journeys and it is so incredible to find that we are not alone in dealing with them the way we do.
One of my favourite God lover girls, Angie, writes about Moses and how his sister Miriam pushed Moses' basket out into the river. She pushed it out with faith and God came through. Moses was rescued by the daughter of Pharaoh. I can't write the story like Angie has and anyway, it's her revelation. I encourage you to read it.
She described exactly how I feel. How it feels when God doesn't come through in the way you hope. I know what it feels like to be standing in the river having pushed my basket out and God seemingly hasn't come through. My basket just disappeared around the bend in the river....
Again though Angie comes back to the truths that we know. The truth that God has been whispering in my ear constantly since the 29 June. The truths are not that I am infertile and the loss of my Da is irredeemable. The truth is that God knows how I feel and the pain I experience. He loves me, and you, and will not forsake us.
God gave me another picture this week of what we are going through. Sorry if this is a little weird but God often speaks to me in pictures. I saw huge blocks pressing down into one another with incredible force. The pressure of the blocks bearing down was creating oil. It seeped from under the bottom block. It was a picture of our lives at the moment and God said "the oil that dripped down Aaron's beard". I had no idea what this meant and after speaking to someone was directed to Leviticus to investigate further. Leviticus 8: 10 -13 (and Exodus 29)
Aaron was anointed with oil as part of his consecration to serve God in the tabernacle. He was the priest and after washing and dressing, oil was poured over his head which dripped down onto his beard. The oil signified a setting apart, dedicating or consecrating. It was one of the things that was done to make him clean enough to enter the tabernacle and serve God.
So the pressure we are under is making oil in our lives which is setting us apart. It's the process of consecration. That is amazing but to be real, I wish it wasn't quite so hard. This honestly leaves us breathless at times. But I think that's ok, it's ok to wish it wasn't so hard. I am learning to move beyond my performance addiction and not worry about being ok.
God is moving as He moves in all our lives. To know that is enough for now. We are within His purpose and His plan. I know that He loves me and I love Him. Even if I can't react in the normal way I do, He knows I love Him. And I am cherished.