Sunday, September 21, 2008


It's been a while since I wrote. Simply because I have had no idea what to say. Something so huge is happening that it's hard to out words around.... we have been chosen. We have been picked by an amazing young girl to be the Mommy and Daddy for her little baby boy. Even writing it sounds so final and for most of the time that we have known we are picked, I have been running scared. It's ironic that the birth family has not wavered in their choice of us and so have been more faithful than I have. I have been wavering and freaking out and trying to believe and not listen to the voices in my head telling me that this will be like all the other times.

But there comes a time when you have to jump off the cliff and trust completely. Trust that this is the time that God promised us, when He would fight for us and all we would have to do is stand.
What has made it so hard is that this family is incredible. They are God-lovers and to think that we would be tied to this family forever is more than I could have dared to hope for.
So I have been fighting the fear that if this did not work we would not only be losing a baby but we would be losing a family too. Fear is the giant that I face and I know that God has made me His little giant killer. So I have chose to turn my back on fear and trust that this is it. So I am sharing with you!

We are so excited. We are very blessed that this is a private proposal so we have more time to prepare. And I have had list after list after list. It's been wonderful....! We have also had time to get to know the birth family and fall in love with them. There are so many God connections with them and we have so much in common. We meet the birth father and his Mom next week. That's the last little hurdle and we pray that they see our hearts and that we long for an open and loving adoption.

I always knew that adoption would be first best for me. I honestly don't mind whether I have a child through a miracle, treatment or adoption. I would love to have a patchwork family that God has given to us through different ways. Have I given up on bearing a child myself? No way, I think I will believe until Jesus calls me home. But if I don't bear a child myself I won't feel like I have lost out. We will keep trying all three ways until we have our family as that's what God has told us to do, but however they come is first best for me.

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Friday, September 5, 2008


Tonight I am confused and scared. We face something amazing and terrifying at the same time. And as I sat in the afternoon light on my couch all I longed for was to be finally holding my baby as I sat there. I wept and wept and wept before my God and He sat beside me and was just there for me. My empty arms ached and I know He understood. All I know in times like this that there are two truths I hold onto...the Cross and the Resurrection. I cling to the beautiful rock steady never ever changing truth of the Cross and the Resurrection.

I found this amazing song by Leeland (never heard of them before..!) and it really ministers to my shaking heart.

Thank you Jesus, my wonderful incredible Truth

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