Sunday, January 31, 2010


My heart breaks for the Haitian orphans. Instead of the road being made easier for them to join forever families, it's being made harder. It seemed for a while that it would be made easy but it's turning out to be the opposite.

Incredibly some of the stumbling blocks are from UNICEF. Read this post for a story on Ronel, an orphan trying to get home to his family waiting in the US. It also details UNICEF's stance which is basically that children should be kept in their original culture, even if it's in an institution.

Part of me gets why they would like to keep cultural heritage intact in a child's life. But most of me cannot understand how an institution is better than a Mommy and a Daddy- even if they are a different culture/ colour/ nationality.

Ronel's Mommy-to-be, Debra, has a blog and I can't stop looking back to see there is an update on Ronel. This is one boy's story and I know it will have a happy ending but there are so many other orphans at risk and waiting. Waiting.

All I can do is pray and thank God that when we do He moves mountains. Isn't He just the best?

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Saturday, January 30, 2010


Part of me revels in the fact that I am so normal at this stage of my life. Normal. It feels so good. A normal pregnancy. I know enough not to take it for granted and little enough to almost be casual.

I lug my son around when people whisper not to lift him, I go for walks when the same whispers say not to overdo it. I act as if I am pre-pregnant most of the time and have developed a relaxed and casual air about the whole thing. I don't read every book known to man and don't walk around with my bump on display. Casual....

Is this what it's like to be normal in this area? I wonder if this is what it feels when women fall pregnant at the drop of a hat? To be nonchalant about conception, pregnancy and birth? I have no idea and won't even try to imagine.

Because I know I am NOT normal in this area at all. Firstly, I am an older first time mother. Secondly, this is my first pregnancy but I am already a mother. Try explaining that one! And thirdly the child I carry is not biologically mine. Yup, so not normal it screams out loud!!!

So when I carry on and pretend like I am normal in this pregnancy, I enjoy indulging my own little fantasy. It's kind of fun, pretending to be like 90% of women in the world! But I also like how I get what a gift this is. Infertility taught me that. Next time you see an infertile with her baby, watch her face. She gets it. I love seeing the face of an infertile with her baby almost as much as I love watching the face of a groom as his bride walks down the aisle.

So I do not take one second or baby flutter for granted. And that's why even when it feels like my back is breaking (probaby 80% of my day) I will not moan!!! I will gently wail to myself on the inside, I admit, but no moaning girl! That's right.

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

24 weeks and 3 days

Yessah I am on the homeward slide towards birth! I got a bit freaked out the other day when I realised that no matter what happened from now on, I would be giving birth. Alrighty then.

My little girl is about 600g in weight and about 30cm tall. She must be quite squashed (!) My tum is continuing to expand and is now pushing upwards. Overall I am great. My back is killing me but that's because my back is not good, full stop.

People keep asking me if I am coping in the heat and I don't feel any different. I LOVE this weather. Super hot and humid. Utter bliss.

Not much else to report on the pregnancy front. I am trying not to have a nervous breakdown at the rate the scales are going up, I am nearly the heaviest I have ever been. But truly would put up with a lot worse to be here, rounded and chubby and very very pregnant!

As I don't have any picture of my baby, (the last 3D scan of her face made her look like an alien and I offended the scannie person by refusing to look after the first glance. I mean, hello. Does anyone want to see their little girl look all distorted???], I will leave you with a picture of the cutest small man on the planet.

Yes, that's right.... it's RUPI!!!

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Equippers Rocks!

Tonight our amazing church, Equippers, recorded a third worship album at the evening service. The house was pumped and we were so ready.

As the music began, my heart was filled with gratitude that I was there. At that moment. What an amazing privilege to be one of the voices lifting Jesus up and creating an album that will change lives. I believe this album will be the vehicle God uses for break through and miracles.

I am so proud to be part of a church that is constantly pushing back the darkness and reclaiming land the enemy has taken. We never sit still and it's wonderful! I thank God that He has placed us at Equippers and I love that my children will grow up in a house that lifts up Jesus above all else.
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Monday, January 18, 2010

I am his girl

Right here and now I am Rupi's girl **. His one and only. He can't imagine another woman he could love as much as me, his Mama. I am his feminine ideal and all he looks for in a woman. I am all he knows or wants.

My arms are the ones he reaches for, my touch soothes the hurts and my kisses tell him he is so loved. I am his Mama, his girl.

One day, sooner than I think, I will have to let go. Step back for another girl to take my place. Amd I will do it willingly and gladly because it's right and he will need to build his world around another, his wife. My hubbie and I will let him go and he will make a new life.

But for now, in these precious years, I am all he wants. And I relish each moment. This little boy is so incredible and already such a little man. I don't take it lightly and pray that God helps me to be what he needs me to be. His Mama, his girl.

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** Please understand my heart, I am not denying the role that so many other incredible woman have in Rupi's life, the most important being Sweetpea, his birthmum. I am just celebrating being his Mama.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


What an amazing God day on so many levels.

Church today was phenomenal. Ok, it's always phenomenal but today was even more so! We had an Aussie pastor preach and from the moment he opened his mouth and started reading from the Word this morning, I felt God's presence. It was my soul was being literally fed.

He talked about the authority that Jesus has and how when He spoke, the earth trembled. Every part of earth is under His dominion. Every single part of our lives.


He asked various groups of people to come up on stage for healing and in one group one of my closest friends went up. Her plight is so close to my heart all I could utter was 'Please God, please". She is still waiting for her healing and with all I had, I just prayed for this to be her time. For Jesus to have total dominion over her body and heal A miracle is needed.

Our church believes that this is the year of miracles and breakthrough for us. And there so many miracles needed. A lovely friend told me of her need for a miracle. After struggling with infertility and finally having a baby, she needs the strength to begin to try again. To open herself up to the potential of pain and frustration and fear once again. A miracle is needed.

And after church another friend told me of her threatened pregnancy. The next 48 hours are critical. The last two pregnancies have ended in heartache and this is the time when things have gone wrong for her before. I wept for her tonight and cried out to heaven. A miracle is needed.

We are told to declare God's dominion and declare the break through. Speak the miracles into being in the authority that Jesus gives us. I am doing that for my friends tonight. If you need a miracle I encourage you to speak Life and do it with His authority.

All I have is a mustard seed faith. But it's enough for Him.

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Friday, January 15, 2010


In the middle of lots of work (fun times, I love it!) these are the times I cherish. Simple times: my precious little boy, my darling husband and..... a hose.

Rupi's good, my hubbie's good and work is done. Everything else has to slide.

Life is good.

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Friday, January 8, 2010


I am so grateful to have Rupi and so grateful to be able to have another child too. Part of me never thought that this would happen for me. I am freshly grateful every single morning.

Infertility robs you of a skin thickness. I am still so thin skinned when it comes to kiddies. I hate whining and complaining about children and the burden they bring. They are a blessing during good times, tired times and tough times. End of story.

And my point?

I wanted to murder yesterday at the midwife. I was waiting for my appointment and a woman comes in with her little (gorgeous) 5 week old baby. The receptionist asks her how she is going and she says that she's ok when her child is not being a demon. Then laughs and says "Actually she's a demon all the time!" and looks down at her baby and says "Aren't you?"

I know how tired you get and she may have been speaking from that tired place. But come on. A demon?

She trots off to the loo and the receptionist laughs and addresses all of us waiting. "What a hoot she is" she says "When she gave birth she asked for the gender and said to the midwife that if the baby was a boy she wanted to hand him back. And her husband said that she was serious!" (lots of laughing)

Wanting to hand her back should she have been the "wrong" gender? Hello? None of us laughed actually and I was so mad.

Yes, there are jokes and time for giggles but I know tons of incredible girls who would love a baby and I guarantee that the word "demon" would not be applied to their child.


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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

21 weeks and 2 days

Over the half way mark- woohoo! I found out (when I visited the ER department because the maternity unit wouldn't see me) that the health system views a baby as viable after 24 weeks so 3 more weeks to go... woohoo I think?

I have a big bump now and when I stand in the shower and look down I no longer see my toes. There are gone. Not there anymore. I just see bump.

People keep asking me if I have felt the baby move and really, I have no idea. They mention "butterflies" and fluttering sensations but none of those have happened. I got a weird stabby ache or two yesterday that were not ligament stretching pains, so maybe they were it?

Right, I am seriously rambling. Onto my favourite subject....

Rupi on the other hand, I can feel. A lot! He's cute and scrummy and cuddly and just so cute. We are trying out "big boy undies" at the moment that my friend M made. They are great! They hold a wee in until we notice, usually straight away.

We are trying to teach him to tell us when he needs to go which is trial and error right now. BUT! Tonight he cried in his cot and when we went in we asked him if he needed to go poos and showed him the potty along with the potty sign. He nodded and went "up"- his version of yes. And....he did a big poo in the potty. Yay!

This whole potty thing we have done and are doing is kinda hard to explain and I have had lots of shaking heads and even a few eye rolls. But it works for us and our little boy is happy. No pressure and he loves it. It's hard work as you do potty cleaning for a loooong time but I reckon that he's be potty trained by the time he's 2. Here's hoping!

Big Boy Undies- they are super cute!

Potty love

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