So yes, I am not pregnant.
But I was.
When I thought I was not.
We replaced both embryos and it was hard. We wanted to honor the gift we had been given and allow any life that was there to flourish. But we are so very happy as a family of four. Complete and content.
There were no symptoms at all, unlike the previous miscarriage and pregnancy. Nothing. I assumed, as I had been in that space 7 times, that I was not pregnant. Together we moved on utterly before the blood test. We had packed our bags emotionally and mentally and moved on.
So to be told I was indeed pregnant was like being hit with a baseball bat. We were in shock for about 4 days. I woke up yesterday on Anzac Day and felt that I had started to embrace the pregnancy. So we decided to tell our close ones. Yesterday afternoon I started miscarrying.
There was no life there, I am sure. Blossom was aggressive in her growth, I felt her every development. This was completely different, it was passive. There were no symptoms at all. The nurse called the embryos unviable and for once, their cold and clinical language fits.
So here we are.
We are a family of 4 and this whole experience has made me utterly convinced of the perfection of that number for us. Before, I wondered if there was a lack/ gap in our family. Now I know there isn't. We are complete.
While we are sad, we are free. An 8 year journey is at an end. We are free to move on, with our little blessings in tow. Our marriage is strong and we are happy. Our children are flourishing. Our quiver is full. Two amazing arrows sit in our quiver and our cup overflows. We are truly blessed.