bad and good

September 2010

Bad news: my Dad has grade 4 glioblastoma multiforme brain cancer (evil aggressive fast growing cancer in an advanced stage)
Good news: this cancer is highly researched due to it's devilish nature so there are more treatment options

Bad news: my Dad starts radiotherapy and chemotherapy later this month
Good news: the clinic is in the top 5 clinics world-wide in treating this condition

Bad news: my Dad's cognitive abilities are affected
Good news: he thinks he's fine

Bad news: he has a 50% chance of surviving 14 months
Good news: he has utter belief that he will be one of the 50% who makes it

Bad news: I am an insomniac
Good news: tequila sunrises and sleeping pills = good nights rest

Bad news: My Dad is grumpy and belligerent
Good news: this is normal (!)

Bad news: my sisters and I are struggling
Good news: my aunt arrives on Sunday from South Africa for 5 weeks followed by another aunt

Bad news: my Mom is also stage 4 terminal lung cancer
Good news: she is responding well to the current chemotherapy

Bad news: this is all horrible
Good news: we have a faithful God who has promised us an eternity with Him

Bad news: how the heck did this happen to us?
Good news: I have amazing friends (this means you, thank you for being awesome x)

life shots

Thank you so much for your loving comments, texts and emails, friends. We feel encouraged and supported by you and your prayers.

My Dad does indeed have two tumours in his brain. An apricot and a grape as I like to think of them. He's had all the tests he needs to and he has been transferred to Auckland hospital. After another MRI he is waiting for surgery to remove the suckers. We hope that it will happen this afternoon.

My Mom is coping with the chemo and in a funny way coping a bit better now that she needs to focus on Dad. His situation is lifting her above her own. Sometimes my head spins at the knowledge BOTH my parents are seriously ill with cancer at the same time.

Anyway.

So... we moved!

Our new house is much bigger and we are settling in and doing battle with the boxes. When I say that the house was filthy, those words don't even come close to describing it. And the owners got a commercial cleaner in before we moved in. All I need to say for you is that Dida has used an abrasion wheel on his drill to get the imbedded dirt/fat/oil off the stove elements. Apply that to the rest of the house and you get the picture.

Other than the dirt and the effect that has had on my clean-freak persona, the house is lovely. The kiddies love the flat back yard and space to play. The "new one house" is a success!

the week

This little space has been vacant for the last week or so, my apologies for that. It's hard to put words around things so I will do my best.

This dry run? It was the truth. After some niggly feelings and a deep conviction in my heart I called the oncologist. His blunt words were very hard to hear but at the same time refreshing. My Mom started a course of chemo on Monday and is doing ok. She has to be ok and weather this chemo and the symptoms. No choice really.

My Dad has been displaying some very worrying symptoms and my sisters and I were at our wits end last last week. I talked to my Dad over the weekend and despite his denials we managed to get him to the doctor on Monday. He's been in hospital since and has two tumours in his brain.  At this stage we don't know much about them and he is undergoing testing.

Add to this we are moving house. This post sounds like those atrocious posts you read where you thank God it's not your life. But it is my life. And we have to put one foot in front of the other and be ok. I am actually as fine as I can be, God's Grace is amazing.

His Word is immensely comforting as is this...

summer love

Our little holiday is over- we have had the best time. I hope your break over the Christmas and New Year break has been wonderful.

We have been up to Tapora and the Kaipara and down to Tauranga and Te Puke and then back home via Ohiniwai. (Translation- north from Auckland and then south and then sideways and back to Auckland) Bliss.

Tomorrow I start work. Dida has another week off so is on children duty for next week. Then we have one more week in this little house before we move. And no packing or sorting has been done yet (I don't care)

To keep me in the holiday mood, here are some pictures from our time away...

Up at the bach (holiday house) in Tapora

Playing dress up in my friend Meg's Mum's garage

Chilling at the cousins

Long live summer!!!

Beautiful

Happy New Year, friends! May 2013 be filled with love and laughter xxx

I had a little secret late last year. And I couldn't tell on my blog, even though it's my safe space, as my sisters read it. It was a Christmas surprise.

My Mom was told about her cancer relapse on my birthday (remember this?) None of us knew what the next couple of months would held and I just wanted to hold my Mother in that space, on the 8th November forever.

I asked her if I could organize a photo shoot for her as soon as possible. So the following Monday she did the same session as I did for my business shots. They did her hair and makeup and she had a wonderful time. The photographer knew about the whole situation and they treated my Mom like a queen (rightly so!)

The shots were simply beautiful and they took our breath away. I had them framed and gave the framed  photos to my Dad on Christmas day. He loved them.

Here are some of the shots of my gorgeous mother. Isn't she amazing?

Finished

Today is my last day of work. Because I have a great boss (myself) I have kindly given myself annual leave until the 7th January. I wouldn't work for me unless I had to as this is the first proper leave I have had since Blossom was born.

Anyway. I am super tired.

The kids have been home this week on school holidays so I have worked around them. Today they came with me to run some work errands and drop client gifts off. It was great mostly, apart from a few little boy meltdowns. I am learning not to base the success of an outing on Rupi's meltdowns. The inner city was bathed in Christmassy goodness, we loved it.

Bring on Jesus' birthday!!!!

tradition sweetness

This year we made the annual trip to the Christmas tree heaven shop with the cousins. It was chaotic and lots of fun. The idea is that each child gets to choose an ornament of their own. No boundaries, well, except the giant stuffed reindeer costing over $800....

This is the first year that Rupi has really understood the tradition. And he just loved it. While Blossom ran around the shop creating havoc he carefully selected his own ornament. Which was....

...an ENORMOUS lolly (sweet)! He truly is his mother's son as this is excatly what I would have chosen as a child! It dominates the whole one side of the tree and makes me giggle every time I look at it. All of his ornaments are carefully hung close to each other and he relates the story of each again and again.

This is Blossom's. I chose it for her as she was randomly selecting candles, lights, tinsel and carrying them all around the store. Bless.

I love this silly little tradition! It doesn't take away from the true meaning of Christmas and provides a great introduction into the Christmas season. Traditions bind family together and this one doesn't get much better!

2011  

2010

2009/ 2008

sold!

We sold our little house! We listed a week ago, had the first open home on Sunday afternoon and by 8pm that night it was signed, sealed and SOLD! I cried a little as this house is our first and holds so many memories.

The agent said the buyer fell in love with the house and made his offer as soon as he walked in. He's a single dad with a 13 year old son and so it's going to be a family home. Love that and love that he loves the house!

Can't believe it sold so fast and can't believe how insane the Auckland house market is. We plan to rent for a couple of years, sit on our nest egg (cluck cluck) and see what happens.

Happy days!

my crowning glory

“Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.

Isaiah 54: 1

We had a family shoot with these amazing photographers. They did my MIL's shoot and I loved their photos and they way they handled the kids, so booked them for my business shots and a family session.

They asked to use the kiddies as models last week (ummm yes!) and those photos are amazing. I can't wait to get copies of the images!

I highly recommend them and they have given me some vouchers to hand out to my clients or people like me. By that I mean, people who turn up on time and are polite. So if that's you, and of course it is, and you would use a voucher, say so in the comments and I will organise one for you x

dry run

Yesterday we sisters had a dry run for when news is really bad.

I was driving home on a high after having coffee with friends. My middle sister calls. Have I been on facebook she asks? No, was my reply. She starts sobbing. This is posted on facebook by my aunt....

Ruth is having all sorts of tests done to precisely identify the type of cancer cell. Depending on what it is, she will have a course of medication preceding the actual chemotherapy. Chemo is being given to reduce production of fluid and relieve discomfort and pain. She has stage 4 cancer - terminal. All treatment from now on is given to keep her comfortable. But God ......... Thank you for your prayer support. Bless you.

This is NOT what we had been told. We had been told that my Mom's cancer is inoperable but we are hopeful that treatment will at the very least extend her life indefinately. But we had no reason to doubt this post. This is my Mom's big sister, who is a hospice nurse and spoke to my Mom the day before.

I try my Mom's phone, the friend who is with her (in hospital while they drain the fluid in her chest cavity) and my Dad. No-one answers their phone. To be honest, I freaked out.

My middle sister comes over to my house and we are faced with a horrible decision. Do we call our youngest sister and tell her what we have read to save her reading it cold? Or do we wait until we hear from my parents and hope that she wouldn't go onto facebook in the meantime? We decided we couldn't chance her reading it and I call her. It was awful.

While we spoke to my youngest sister my middle sister and I sat side by side on the couch. We leaned into one another and as we talked on the phone there was such solidarity. We were together facing a monster. It was horrible but we were together.

Eventually my Dad called and clarified the situation. My aunt had assumed a whole lot of stuff. It was the sweetest phone call. Yes, this is bad. Yes, it's life threatening. But we are in the fighting zone and believe that treatment can work! My Mom is NOT terminal. The end.

P.S. The coffee I has was with two amazing bloggers- Cat and Leonie. I felt like I had known them forever- they are fabulous. Real and kind and normal. If you can get to spend time with them, grab it with both hands!

thanks

Thank you so very much for the deluge of kind words, encouragement and love. Emails, texts, face book messages, comments and blog love = amazing. This is why I love blogging. It's not a business for me, it's friendship and as the lines between real life and the internet blur I love each of you more.

Thanks, my friends.

So. Tonight my Mom meets with the oncologist. In about 45min in fact, and we will know the nature of the beast we face. It will have a name and a description and a timing. I admit that I am terrified. But I know that just because someone with green shoes (true) and a long list of letters behind his name calls the beast something does NOT mean it has jurisdiction over my mother's life.

The end.

I have had some good times over the last couple of days. Dida organized a birthday extravaganza that got sabotaged by the beast to some extent but Friday bight was a goodie. He organized some of my closest friends to go out to dinner with me. Some people were missing (hello Gail) But I had a wonderful time.

Then on Saturday I got to have lunch with Megs from MNMs. My gosh this girl is wonderful. She's tiny, wears mint green jeans, likes gluten free cake and is truly as lovely as she comes across on her blog.

Loved these two bits of cheer in the middle of everything else!

happy (not) birthday

Yesterday we got news that none of us expected. My mother is very ill. The cancer has returned and is inoperable.

Last Saturday my Mom left Rupi's birthday party early to got o the local hospital ER. She was in terrible pain and the doctors discovered a build of fluid in her chest cavity. Not unusual where a lung has been removed but unusual this far after chemo/ surgery. And tests indicated cancer in her chest cavity lining which is inoperable.

So officially the worst birthday of my life. But that fact shrank to insignificance in the shadow of what is happening. Instead of going out to celebrate last night my sisters gathered at our house with my parents and we battened down the hatches. We cried and talked and read scripture. It was where we needed to be.

We are reeling.

We face more chemo and treatment. It's different this time. This time it's not preventative but palliative. Not a word we are accepting right now but it does mean that this fight is serious.

So my friends, this blog may be a little cancer focused for a while. And even more than that- God focused. If this offends you, please accept my heartfelt apologies. But this is who I am and where I turn. I can't do this without my God, nor do I want to.

We stood on these verses a while ago. And they resonate with me again...

But mightier that the violent raging of the seas,

mightier than the breakers on the shore

The Lord is mightier than these

Your royal decrees cannot be changed

The nature of Your Reign, O Lord, is holiness forever. Psalm 93: 4-5

perfection

We're back from a holiday in the middle of no-where. Far away from the internet and any kind of cell phone coverage. It was the best kind of time.

We put out the nets with little helpers to catch our dinner. All we caught was a big shag (a sea bird with a nasty hooked beak). We freed him and he chased us, hissing. I was petrified.

The bach (holiday house) is rustic and quaint. It's not to everyone's taste. But if you like the beach on right your door step, a cosy fire and no-one else for miles, it's the place for you.

We read books, watched movies on the iPad when it was too cold and windy to go outside and made tutus. Little girls then practiced their ballet moves. Pretty much perfection.

It was super cold, hat and fleece weather. Not very attractive but when you are miles from the anywhere who cares? Plus roomy jackets have more room to stash beach-walk snacks in.

Blossom added to the beauty of the place and Rupi made himself useful. Well, kind of!

Riding up the track en route to the toilet in your pajamas and helmet makes perfect sense here.

Until next time!

circus

Today was Adventure Wednesday and we had a special guest along for the ride. My aunt is visiting from South Africa. My favourite aunt, she is pretty amazing.

So we took her along on Adventure Wednesday as we visited our happy place- Auckland zoo. My Mom, my sister and my two nephews also came along and we rocked the place. We were loud, crazy and like a 3 ring circus at times. It was fabulous!

Happy Adventure Wednesday!