Even if

I haven't posted for ages! Every time I sit down to write it's like all my thoughts are swirling around my head and I can't pin them down. We are again facing huge things in our lives. Things that I can't form words around, they are so huge and at the same time so fragile. But really, what's new? We seem to face giant after giant (hence the name of the blog!) and still God is faithful. Still God is the same. Still God is unchanging.

As with countless times before we have a choice, will we trust Him? The answer is yes but this time I learn something new. Through an amazing book by Dr James Dobson "When God doesn't make sense" I learn about the difference between understanding and trust. I don't need to understand my life or even make sense of it. God never promised me complete understanding. He did however promise me peace if I trusted. In Dr James' words "Trust needs to be independent of understanding."

No matter how hard I try I can't understand my life and get it to fit within boxes I can make sense of. And in a weird way, that's quite nice! It frees me to just trust.

It challenges me to live with the "even if" attitude. Ages ago Pastor Kennith Chin (from Malaysia- incredible man of God and friend of our church) talked about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they faced King Nebuchadnezzar for not bowing down and worshipping him (Daniel 3) They stood before the most powerful man on earth and said

16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18 But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.”

I have to have the even if attitude. I think (!) I do but it's amazing how with each new giant you have to face it again and make the choice once more.
I was driving home late one night this week (ok, late for me meaning at 9.30pm!) and I made my faith declaration in the car. Even if, God. I will trust you and I will love you. My expectation has to be in the Hope, not the hope that my expectation will be met. Now that my declaration is made, I have to live it....