My Christmas gift

God is amazing. His mercy to us is abounding. This last week I have been carrying a burden that's grown heavier by the day. And to be honest if the burden was not lifted I would not be sharing. Who wants to be a Christmas joy stealer? Not me.

They found a shadow on my Mom's lung about a week and a half ago. An ugly shadow that was found after some routine bloodtests came back all wrong. The shadow concerned the specialists so much that they ran a series of very intrusive tests this week. And they met with my parents late this afternoon.

This week has been so bad. I have believed and prayed with all my might. My God is more than able. But in the early hours I have been waking, fighting the fear that I will lose my beautiful mother.

So.

My Mom will need a lung removed as the shadow is indeed a malignant cancer. But. And such a blessed-Christmas-gift BUT, it is contained. Contained within that lung. Thank you God. Thank you so much. My Mom faces major surgery that will take months to recover from. That's huge. But her life expectancy is normal without that lung.

This is the best Christmas gift to me. We face big challenges early next year but there's a positive outcome to embrace this Christmas. I thank God from the bottom of my heart for my incredible mother.

Merry Christmas indeed!

Note to self

You know when you have a train of thought that haunts you? You find yourself thinking about it again and again. This is one of those trains. A good train, a God train. So good I am sure I have posted on it before but actually haven't. It's familiar to me by now and that's good.

You see, I am sitting in one my favourite cafes feeling utterly intimidated. Completely and totally intimidated. It sits in the base of my stomach like a stone.

One of the design companies I used to work for is after one of my clients. They are targeting them and wooing them. And I am afraid. Afraid that they will succeed.

Because in the natural this design company is larger than me and have been around for longer than my little business. They are also merciless. When I worked for them they managed to get hold of another design companies client list. And systematically worked through this list targeting the other company's clients one by one. They nearly forced this other design company out of business. Merciless. The marketing director would take the last crumb from my mouth while I starved.

So I am intimidated.

The problem is that my intimidation has no basis in reality. I am approached by people to work with them on a weekly basis. I have enough work. My clients like me and I am good at what I do. Being real here, please hear my heart. I have no grounds for intimidation.

So what's the deal? I am afraid. My achilles heel- fear. Fear is never ok. Not even the smallest bit of it. There are sayings out there "feel the fear and do it anyway" or "do it happy scared". Neither is ok. Fear is never to be tolerated. Ever.

Fear is rooted in unbelief. So as I sit here feeling intimidated I have lifted my fear up above God. I fear that God can't do it. That He can't provide me with work. Rubbish. Utter rubbish. He is God Almighty. Of course He can do it. And (though He doesn't need to) He has proved that He can. He has a track record.

So

Yes

God has been speaking to me about fear. And with His help I will root it out. Grab hold of every root and pull it out. Starting with intimidation. I like this train of thought!

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7