So yes!

It's out and everyone knows now. Feels great. Not so great that the news will really hurt some bloggie friends that I love. Praying for some special girls and their hearts.

We saw the little 7.5cm bean today and he/ she was so active. Barely kept still enough to get a good picture! But it's all good so far. The scan person (no idea of title!) said that the bean was picture perfect and that's good enough for me. I was desperate to see the heartbeat and she was so lovely. Put the scannie thing on my tum and 3 seconds later said "heartbeat!" We had not even made sense of the monitor yet. She was so nice.

So here he/ she is!

I cannot believe that this little bean is inside me! Infertile, barren girl! Honestly if it can happen to me it can truly happen to anyone.

The big white elephant

It's getting harder to blog normally and not talk about the pregnancy. Well, the last two milestones are nearly over. Today at Reuben's birthday party we'll tell the birth parents (gulp) and on Monday I have the 13 week scan.



It's been very quiet on the bump front and I have been a tad concerned. Plus I have been feeling really good since about 11 weeks and my energy levels have got back up again. I also feel less hormonal and more rational. To top it off my bump went down a bit but I thought that maybe it was because the tummy tissue wasn't bruised and swollen from the heparin injections anymore....



Anyway I didn't want to worry my hubbie so spoke to my Mom about it. She assured me it's ok and normal. Great! Today and yesterday I have felt achy and "drag-y" in my pelvis again. Also great and things are moving and happening. So the scan should be ok.



I should just blog about it and maybe I will. We told family that they could tell people and my mother in law (bless her Jesus, bless her) sent an email out to THE WHOLE WORLD. Including a Danish student who stayed with her about 6 years ago.... hello? He's pleased apparently. Being a private person this is quite overwhelming.



So really it would be good to get rid of this white elephant in the room that fills my whole vision!

11 weeks and 1 day

Well.



Feeling a lot more human which is nice. Must say, the secrecy is starting to kill me. All these posts are in draft form and I just want to publish them and get on with it! However my hubbie is adamant, 12 weeks and THEN we go public. Alrighty then.



I had another scan last week which went well so I am pretty relaxed now. I was a bit (!) scared before the scan, but once I saw the little heartbeat I cried (as usual) and was ok.



No more blood thinner injections or any other kind of medication. Lovely! I have more energy now. I wonder why our western view of medicine separates our body into pieces? Eastern medicine views us as a whole which makes more sense to me. It did not even occur to me than thinning my blood would sap me of energy. Duh. My body was having to work harder to get enough goodness around my body as the blood was all watery.



Anyway. This is a total ramble of a post. Will toodle before more meaningless waffle comes out of my head....!

Hurt

We decided to tell two sets of people our news today. They are good good friends and deserved to know. Trouble is that I know our news hurt.



I know what it's like to get our news. I know that hurt and pain intimately. So very well. I know the rush of feeling, the denial, followed by the sharp sense of pain which dulls into the ever familiar and present ache.



I hurt to hurt them. My heart hurts. We were both very somber after then calls we made.



And I am not sorry that it does hurt. I never want to forget what it feels like. Too much was experienced and felt and there is a respect for infertiles that I will never lose. I know when I finally publish these pregnancy posts that I will hurt some beautiful bloggers.



And I can't do a thing about it. And that sucks.

9 weeks and 2 days

So.





The last scan went well and my doctor had tears in his eyes. Probably so relieved to see the back of me (kidding!) I have been a patient for 4 years and the stats show that 80% of women are pregnant 2 years after becoming a patient so my finally falling preggers was a cause for celebration! I have now graduated from the fertility clinic. Gulp. Cast off into the sea of pregnancy without a clue. I think I am used to being told what to do, when and how with this whole fertility deal. I can no longer think for myself.....





Anyway, searching for an obstetrician and then I WANT ANOTHER SCAN. Just because. I am used to them and blood tests and pills etc. The freedom I have currently is a tad overwhelming.





We still haven't told many people. My hubbie wants to wait until 12 weeks although if my play boy bunny chest and swollen stomach doesn't give it away I don't know what will... The only thing in our favour is that it's not expected. We haven't been "doing a cycle" publicly. The reaction from the people we have told has been comical. A stunned look emerges as they try to take in the words we have just said, they ask us to repeat ourselves and then ask if it was natural. Pretty much the standard response. I am generally laughing by the end of the conversation at which point the person we have just told is doing some kind of victory dance. Very cute.





Must admit I am feeling horrendous. Pretty much permanently and severely hung over (for those of you with a PAST like ourselves that involved lots of drinking!) . I cannot eat enough and LONG for hot salty chippies. I would camp out at McD's if I could. I am trying to control myself but people, it's not pretty!





Other than that I am HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. And very very grateful. Yessah. That about describes me....feeling yuck, happy and grateful!

7 wks and 5 days

I haven't even blogged about my scan yet and a week on I am 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant! I am a bad bad blogger! I am not posting any of my pregnancy posts on this blog until 12 weeks and haven't been blogging much on the other blog so the silence must be deafening...!



Anyhoo.



The scan last Friday (6 weeks and 5 days) went well!



I was terrified and so was my poor doctor. We were all holding our breath and while I changed and lay down behind the curtain I was hyperventilating. My hubbie said they could hear this fast heavy breathing from behind the curtain but no-one was in any frame of mind to laugh. It was TENSE.



He found the egg sac and then... I saw a flicker at the top left. I asked if that was the heart beat and the doctor said yes. I just started sobbing.



The little bean was (must be bigger than that now) 6.8mm. Amazing. I got two pictures which was so great- not that you can actually see anything on the photo. Still that white blob in the corner is a little bean!



It was surreal and I had a grin splitting my face in half on the way out. We went for coffee and just absorbed this momentus news. I think my hubbie is starting to believe that this may just happen. I think it will!



I am feeling yucky but so glad to be feeling this way. I have an unhealthy attraction to rice (anything made of rice, cooked with rice or with rice as an ingredient) at the moment and am hoping it will pass....



Next scan is Monday (8 weeks and 1 day) and if all is well we graduate from the fertility side of the clinic. We think we may stay there with one of their obstetricians. But we'll think about that on Monday afternoon!



Yay! I am pregnant!

6 wks and 3 days

Another good blood test yesterday. Haven't quite learnt the art of not panicking before a blood test but perhaps that's par for the course? The nurses are always so breezy and friendly and say hi and how are you, what are you up to....? Inside I am screaming TELL ME!!!! Tell me the result!!!! No waffle, JUST TELL ME!



Anyway.



My hormone levels are over 16,000 now. Crikey. The first reading was 53. Wait a mo.....wave of nausea. Thank you Jesus! I love those waves. Yes I know people reading this will say "Just you wait" like all the other "Just you waits". But. I am so grateful to be nauseous, uncomfortable, bloated, sore and tired. My tummy looks like a black and blue punching bag from the Heparin (blood thinners) and I am still grateful.



[The Heparin is so that if my body decides to mount an attack on the embie, it will not be able to gather resources. Kinda attacking without an army- hehe!]



So the next HUGE milestone is the scan which they have brought forward to Friday. Yay, as I don;t have the spend the weekend trying not to worry. They will check for a sac (sack?) and a foetal heartbeat. If everything is good, the rate of miscarriage drops to 5%.

I cannot believe I am at this point. That I may have a little tiny beating heart (size of a poppy seed) in me. Me. So called infertile, barren girl.



And if not, I will praise my God to the highest heaven for being pregnant for 6 amazing and wonderful weeks.



Thank you God!