barren woman sings

There is something amazing about the baby shower of an infertile. The pain, tears and suffering are somehow distilled into the most intense joy. The atmosphere sings of breakthrough and triumph.

One of my barren friends had her baby shower today. She has waited a long time for her boy. They are welcoming a 14 month old baby boy into their home and she is becoming his Mommy. This is not easy and their past and future remain hard and yet this is breakthrough of the most precious kind.

I have been so grateful and my heart has been moved so much over the last weeks as we have heard of this little boy. We make plans for ourselves, natural plans that follow the "normal". And when these plans do not come to fruition there is heart break. But I testified today to my friend that God's plans are indeed perfect. They do not resemble ours in the least and yet more than we could have hoped or dreamed of. God's plan for this little boy and for my friend and her husband are perfect.

I promised her today that the joy she feels today is a tiny part of what she will feel in a year. And the joy she feels then will multiply again and again. I thank God that I did not fall pregnant all those years ago. I thank God that I had to wait. Because the children I have are perfect. Perfect for us and the ties and bonds they bring with others are part of that perfection.

Today was a good day, friends. A very, very good day.

currant in a current

It's been one of those spaces in time where I feel like a raisin in a river. Small, shriveled and traveling at a speed beyond your control.

So when I am "pruny" I choose to be thankful:

♥ Blossom's epic diary reaction seems to have abated and I have moved her back into undies.
She's officially off soy and dairy for the next 12 months. Not even in baked goods, nada. I am so thankful she is feeling better!

♥ My Mom is on the mildest form of chemo now. She had her second round yesterday and the super nasty symptoms are making a come back already. Thankful that we know what to look for now and the hospital is managing her closely.

♥ I have the sniff of a couple of projects. It's been a lean start to the year but I think the wind is changing! Thankful that God is in control.

♥ Thankful for an amazing little family. So blessed with my little boy and little girl. They bring endless joy to us!

Reward!

It's no big secret that I find parenting a challenge- I have no idea what I am doing 90% of the time. My kiddies are wonderful, I just seem to constantly be feeling my way along (in the dark)....

Rupi is ALL boy. He's boisterous and physical and filled to the brim with testosterone. Channeling this in directions that are socially acceptable can be hard at times. And all too often I feel that my interaction with him is too negative. Time out was a sad failure with him and so we confiscate items. Sometimes the top of the TV looks like a toy store with all the confiscated items. I hate negativity and felt like our day was becoming filled with it.

Cue my Mother.

A very wise woman who happens to be an early childhood teacher. She suggested a reward system with star stickers. Even though he's really young to grasp the concept she thought he may understand it. So we started one....

We have a chart on the fridge and Rupi needs to get 5 stars before he gets a reward. A REWARD!!!! We are making it quite easy to get a star so he can start to grasp the idea. If he's nice to Blossom and gives her one of his toys to play with, lets us brush his teeth with little fuss or eats his food nicely, he gets a star.

I have a box of rewards and the idea was that he can choose one himself. Big mistake. The first time he got a reward he found the array of options was overwhelming and so wanted more than one (*sigh* silly Mama) So he got two rewards the first time. Now I give him a reward and he doesn't see the box..

I can't say he's overly motivated by the star chart, but at least good behaviour is being rewarded. Time will tell if this works out! I certainly feel like the focus is more positive and that makes a happier home.

And Blossom is still the loudest person in the house. There's a lotta noise wrapped up in one small cute bundle! This is her folded in half and sleeping. I couldn't understand what the noise was from outside the bedroom. It was Blossom...snoring. Nice.

Judged

*UPDATED* Thank you so much for the comments. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. And yes, the hubbie has said not to send the email and to shrug the comment off. My wise man.

*ORIGINAL POST*

This is a cutie I designed earlier in the year.








Today I was in the neighbourhood and popped in to say hi to the owners. As I was leaving the owner said to me 'You really should be home with your baby". She may as well have hit me over the head with a baseball bat. I managed to smile and walk out to my meeting.


This is the email I have written to her. It's one I will run past my hubbie before sending tonight and may never be sent. In fact probably won't be. Oh well.


Dear V

It was lovely to see you today and I am so glad that the shop is flourishing. I just wanted to respond to the comment you made when I was leaving.

The comment was that I really should be home with my baby. I am acutely aware that my little girl is only 13 weeks old. I don't want to work right now but financially we have no option. I would love to have at least the rest of the year off but I will lose the clients I have, who have already waited 3 months for me.

It's true that I love what I do and dealing with people like you, N and D, but this is not the reality I choose right now. Even though I don't choose it I can choose to smile and have a good attitude about it. So while it may seem like I don't mind being away from my little girl, I do.

I work part time from home and have a nanny for 4 mornings a week. This is the best I can do right now. I agree that I should be home with my baby. I just can't.


Kind Rgds

Samantha



Trying not to feel stinky as it's pointless. I love the life God has chosen for me. Wish I could shrug off people's comments. Poos.

My clever boy!

{Disclaimer: this post mentions lots of wees and poos!}

I am so proud of my little man! At 21 months old he is 99.999% potty trained while he is awake! I haven't tried to get him through a nap yet, that's the next step. He now wears "big boy undies" all the time when he is awake. He goes out in them too and he's learned to use toilets other than the one at home with the use of his portable baby toilet seat.

Have I mentioned how proud I am????

This is such a big thing for us as we have been doing a method of toilet training called "Elimination control" since he was about 8 weeks old. The basis of this method is that babies naturally have a rhythm/ timing for wees and poos. If you figure out when they go you pop them on a little potty and they learn that this is where they go. They develop control really early. Rupi could hold onto poos from about 8 months old and wees from 14 months.

{Rupi at 10 weeks}

This is the book we read. The theory is that we train them to go in nappies in our western culture and its true that in Africa/ Asia etc they don't have babies in nappies. We did the part time option as the true elimination control means NO nappies at all. I was not brave enough for that and I think you would need to be at home a lot. I don't think I could have worked at all.

{Rupi at 6 months}

I remember my friend's brother being potty trained by the time he was 11 months and according to my Mom, kids were potty trained far earlier when we were little. The opinion going round is that disposable nappy companies have helped to push the age we potty train up and up- more profit I guess.




Anyway, the breakthrough for us was when Rupi started holding on for wees at 14 months. Then it was just me being brave enough to start getting him in the big boy undies!




The undies we used are made by my friend M. They are super! They look and feel like real undies, thin and super cute. BUT they have a waterproof lining that holds a wee. You need to change them once they are wet but they hold moisture long enough for you to get them to a toilet and change them.

{Rupi at 13 months}

My friends and family have thought we are off our rockers for most of the time and I won't lie, it's a lot of work. But so worth it when I look at him now!

{Big boy undies- 15 months}

The week that was

Phew.

This has been a week of meetings (that went REALLY well!), walks in the cold winter sun, playing on the beach, battling colds all round, diverting a small brother trying to whack an even smaller sister, dealing with tantrums, hearing cute words for the first time, watching Wiggles and Thomas the train DVDs a million times and dealing with a couple more tantrums.

In the middle of the chaos there have been some God-filled and beautiful moments :

Late afternoon sanity playtime at the local McDonald's playground. It rocks and so does the $5 coffee and muffin special.


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Having some one-on-one time dancing and singing on Mommy and Daddy's bed....

Precious moments with little beings that won't be little for very long. Thank you God.

Mothers milk

One thing that has surprised me about the whole pregnancy shenanigans is breast feeding. I didn't want to do it as I didn't see the point. I was not breast fed (and am really close to my Mom!) and Rupi wasn't breast fed (and we are really close) so despite being Little Miss Natural, I just wasn't convinced.

As birth approached I bowed to the pressure of well meaning family and friends. "Well", I thought, "let's give it a go." So about 20 minutes after birth the midwife latched Blossom on.

The pain sent me through the roof.

And mind you, I had had NO drugs during labour so knew what pain was! We got a lactation consultant in who tried again. At this stage I was sobbing. No go, I had a voracious baby and very sensitive....you know whats, so it was a failure. After these two attempts I was bleeding.

I tried on and off that day and into the night. I really wanted to go home but needed to sort out what the heck I was going to do. I thank God for my mid wife who wrote on my chart "May not breastfeed" so I got no pressure from the hospital midwives. (NZ is VERY pro breast feeding... and that's an understatement!) A wonderful hospital midwife got me onto an electric pump and I was away. The pain from a machine was bearable. The pain from Blossom was not.

So I have been expressing but it's just become too much. I have to find an extra 2 hours a day to sit in front of a pump. And that's not counting the time washing and talking care of the equipment. I really wanted it to work but my sanity comes first. Again, well meaning friends and family have applied pressure and the guilt at it not working out has been overwhelming at times. But I have a small toddler and a new born and I can't do it all.

My mid wife and hubbie have been amazing and encouraged me to stop. Just stop. In my mid wife's words " A mother who is coping is worth more to your baby than breast milk". So I am in the process of letting my milk dry up. And part of me is so sad. Everything about pregnancy and birth is so precious that it really hurts to lose this.

I am surprised how much I have loved feeding my baby from me. It's been a rare and precious gift and I am so grateful I got to experience it.

And Blossom will be just fine on formula.

Blossom-y goodness

Well I survived my week (ok, half a week). Friday was touch and go but I made it. The moment I hear hubbies car pull up is so very sweet. I can almost hear the hooves of his white horse as he gallops up the driveway to save the day!

Blossom is 17 days old today. I am learning about her and what makes her tick. She is very different to Rupi in every way. He was a lot bigger to start off with. On formula only (obviously). Like a clock with routine and thrived on it. She is more fragile and likes to be held. She is on breast milk with a bit of formula at night. Routine is more flexible with her. Just different and her own little person.

I am desperately trying to free her from expectation and comparison with Rupi. It's hard as he is all I know about babies but I feel it's so important to allow Blossom to be herself. Which is a unique little person made in the image of God. Not in the image of Rupi!

The danger is that we remember only the times when they were sleeping through, bang on routine and generally through all the hard work stages. I know I forget what it was like in the early days with Rupi as I forgot that he went cross-eyed like Blossom is doing at the mo. My friend M reminded me that I freaked out when Rupi did it as I am when Blossom does it. You can understand though can't you? Your baby's one eye wandering in another direction to the other....a little scary!

Where was I? Oh yes, sleep deprivation makes you forget things. Like your name and phone number. True story but that tangent is too long and windey.

So Blossom is just her own little person. And I refuse to start labelling her in comparison to Rupi. And won't allow others to either. So I am not applying words like "demanding", "hard", "not easy" etc to her.

She is cute and bright eyed, a Mommy's neck-cuddle-snuffler, a brother's love and a Daddy's princess.

She is Blossom (hear her roar!!! And quite a roar it is!)

Full dress rehearsal

This morning I did the breakfast run solo, my dress rehearsal. Got up, fed Blossom, expressed and then got Rupi up and potty-ed and fed. I needed to as the hubbie is back to work tomorrow. All I can say is "heck" It's quite full on....



And sometimes someone is just going to have to cry. Most times it will be me.



Blossom is doing very well. Very different to Mr Routine I have to say. She's more flexi and also more clingy. She definitely prefers me still, guess she knows my voice. And I smell like the milk bar!!



Rupi is adjusting ok-ish. We'll see what happens tomorrow when I can't give him my full attention (gulp!) He likes to give Blossom hugs in his enthusiastically violent but very loving way!



I am feeling fine. The "under carriage" is healed and no longer bruised and painful and so all is well in my little world. Now all that's missing is some shut eye...




Here is Mr Enthusiastic loving his sister....! Super cute.




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