Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Making sense

There's something in us that wants our lives to make sense to others. Especially in a Christian world we want to be "normal" and serving God and ok. But what is normal? Normal is certainly not my life. Normal is not walking through infertility as sometimes I feel like I have two heads. I used to think it was me, until I got onto Hannah's Prayer and saw that many, many others are "not normal" either. This journey often makes no sense to us and so our lives seem to make no sense to others either.

This journey makes a mockery of normal and sensible as we would like to understand it. We can be fine spiritually and emotionally and then take a hit to the stomach and be down flat for a day or two. It's an every day, lived in trial, that is a constant. But the way to move forward is to spend less time on your face, and get up quicker after each knock. To always trust God even through the tough days and to keep your hand in His constantly.

I found this in a blog I read occasionally and it expresses what I think and feel:

Oh, the great creeping notion of normalcy. It slinks around us and encircles itself about our feet and convinces us our calling is to fit into a category, or a box, or a statistic, or a quota. We love the idea of being corporate. And not that we shouldn't. But it's usually about following a crowd so that we can be loved instead of folding in just as we are because we are loved. We've bought into the idea that if we don't make sense to everyone else we must not make sense at all.

I know that this journey is not a punishment or a curse but part of God's plan for us. Not looking normal is part of His plan for us. I know that. He is fine with us and where we are at and I think quite likes us with two heads!

So today I caught up with my pastor and friend and it was so good to sit with her and talk. She really saw my heart in the midst of my conversation and I am so grateful. I should not care what anyone thinks but I somehow do. So I grateful that my friend saw beyond my two heads into my life and saw that yes, we are ok. Thank you God.


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