Monday, October 20, 2008

Break it down...

Here I am on Monday, waiting some more. Not a Mommy. Still.
I have been in the cave on the weekend. Not wanting to talk, just be with my hubbie and hide. Why? Dunno.

I think I lose clarity and perspective. It's like I can't see that there is a good ending to this. There have been so many disappointments and hurts that another another delay kicks of some kind of reaction and I lose hope.

Logic and my head are telling me I am crazy and that this wait is normal. My heart has it's fingers in its ears going "I can't hear you!".... The two are going backwards and forwards and I am afraid my heart is winning.

But reading through my journal of Sunday sermons really helps. We have a God-lover for a pastor and he's been doing a series called "break it down". He is white so not quite as effective as if he was brown and saying it with the hand actions!!

However its really good and talks about how when we lose clarity and perspective we need to break it down. Go back to the basics/ get to the root of things.
So right here and now I have no perspective and I am not going to beat myself up about it. But I will break it down.

What do I know:

  1. God is in control
  2. He loves me. Actually He adores me.
  3. I trust Him.

And that is what I have to focus on during this water torture time of waiting. Despite the battle between heart and mind, He is in control. God loves me and is fighting for me. And I trust Him- no matter what....

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