Happy Anniversary baby, got you on my mind!

Today is our 14th wedding anniversary! Woohoo! The past 14 years have been the happiest of my life and marriage is like a good bottle of red wine for me, it just gets better with time.



I am blessed to be married to the most incredible man who:

• Is constantly seeking after God and loves Him above all else


• Leads our family with strength, grace and kindness which is no easy feat when his wife is like a bucking, prancing pony at times


• Loves me, loves me, loves me!


• Is the most incredible Daddy to Rupi (who lights up when he sees his Daddy)


• Encourages me to fly as high as my dreams


• Has extra understanding and grace when I turn into a wild thing just before my red friend arrives


• Loves me some more!


• Watches Americas Next Top Model with me on Friday nights (and has relevant comments!) even though I know he would rather be doing anything else


• Has endless patience with my random, creative and often illogical ideas and methods of doing things


• Mocks me when I try to make any kind of engine sound...!


• Cherishes me (another way of saying he LOVES me)


• Loves his Mum- that old saying about watch how a man treats his Mum is true


• Has said time and again that he would choose me again even though I (seemingly) can't give him children


• Misses me when he is at work


• Simply loves me for who I am right now

Love you hun, you are the best

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters blog

My blog is now listed on an incredible blog called Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters. It's a huge resource of all things infertility! It's not from a Christian viewpoint but does link back to to a whole lot of blogs that are by Christian girls. Check it out

Here is the link to the list of blogs. Mel calls them her "Stirrup Queen's Completely Anal List of Blogs That Proves That She Really Missed Her Calling as a Personal Organizer"

The thing about this is knowing you are not alone and you will find a whole lotta God-lover girl blogs here!

Rupi's room

My hubbie worked for our fantastic church for about 5 years and wore many hats (as you do when you work for church!) One of his projects was to create a Parents Room upstairs behind the balcony in the theatre. This was so very hard to do and the room was soaked with his tears as he created a warm and beautiful environment for Mums, Dads and babies.

As he painted the walls he made a faith statement. At that time we were so far from our dream and life hurt all the time. So he decided to write the names of our children in the room believing that one day I would sit in that room with them. He wrote their names on the undercoat of the wall in huge letters. He also wrote their names on a little panel that hides a gap in the wall. The names on the wall were obviously painted over but the names behind the little panel are still there.

Today I sat in that room with Rupi. The sermon was so poignant and was on Faith. I had tears in my eyes as I sat with Rupi knowing that the room was prepared in love for him. That almost more than any other child at church, he belongs in that room. And I thought, who am I not to believe for the others? Who am I to believe that this IVF cycle will be like all the others? The faith I have has been birthed from the place of tears and sorrow and today I celebrated in my heart as I looked at the first fruits of that faith.

Who am I not to believe?

The best Shortbread in the universe

So my blog is my blog right? And I am more than my infertility aren't I? So in theory I can post about other stuff too...

Well, I am a mad keen baker. I loooove baking. It's my green space and I love to mix and beat and sift and stir, and then pull a warm yummy smelling something out the oven. It does my soul good!

So I thought I could occasionally post my favourite recipes. Not all of then as a girl's gotta have some secrets after all! Now this shortbread recipe is seriously good. You can make a double batch and then freeze half and then after defrosting serve it up as I did to a friend today and she raved about it.

The best Shortbread in the history of mankind

250g butter

185g sugar

375g plain flour

1/4 tsp salt

90g corn flour

Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Sift flour, salt and cornflour together and add to creamed mixture. Mix in and kneed well (take your jewelry off and get those hands dirty!)

Roll or pat dough out to approx. 2cm thick. Cut into square/ fingers or cut shapes out. Place pieces on a cold buttered tray and prick with a fork. Sprinkle with sugar and bake at 160 - 170 C for approx 35min.

YUM!

Fresh faced hope

My beautiful egg donor is sick, poor girl. So we'll be delaying the start of the cycle until Feb. It will give her some time to build herself up and I will be buying her vitamins galore and stuffing her with fresh fruit smoothies!

It also gives me time to chill out and relax about it all as the start of IVF cycles are always a nervous time for me. Ratty girl emerges and I know I am taking strain!

Plus this is also the season of fresh faced hope for us. We face 2009 with more hope than we have had in years. A possible pregnancy, the growth of a little home based business for me and the chance to love and watch a little person grow up.

Fresh faced hope is new and untarnished and untainted. It lives at the beginning of something. It's hope that sort of knows there may be challenges ahead but lives in the excitement and joy of a favourable outcome. There's also the hope that lives in the middle of the something big. That hope digs it's heels in and weathers the storm. It's a bit battered but still has an optimism about it. Then there's the hope when the something big has not worked out the way we thought it would. That hope is battered, bloody and bowed but not beaten. It's the "even if" hope.

To be honest we have not had a visit from fresh faced hope for a couple of years. It doesn't have a track record of hanging around us long as things have turned to custard for us historically. I long with everything I have that fresh faced hope is here to stay. That this is our season of undiluted favour in all areas.

But I need my heart to acknowledge that the Hope needs to be the hope that I count on. And even if this is not my season of fresh faced hope and favour in the way that I long for, I will be ok. God is God and He is good. My soul needs to re understand His Sovereignty. I have come too far to forget the lessons I have learned in this journey.

I think I need to spend some time with my Jesus and submit to His will. Be unconditional in my love and submission. But oh, wouldn't it be nice for it to be easy for once? And yet, God is good and that my heart knows very well.

New Year, new challenge

Well after much agonising, my blog is now open for comments. Probably not such a big deal for most but a massive deal for me. Why? It's just another level of "open" I guess. This is my on-line journal and really shows my heart and thinking and well.... someone could be mean to me! This blog is so close to the bone and shares stuff I don't easily share. But anyway, new year, new level of open!
Argh...

Christmas break...

We just got back from our little holiday house (bach) We spent 8 days up there and it was crazy for the first 5 days. There were people galore. It was fun and exhilarating and we loved it but then they all left and the real holiday began. It was just us with nobody else around for miles. Hot sun, the sea, the cat and us. Utter utter bliss.

We missed Michael's Dad as the place is just saturated with memories of him. Good memories as he was such an amazing and special man, but made my hubby very sad at times. Our beloved cat is looking very frail (she is rather old) and we think this may be her last Christmas. She loves it up there as you can see from the photos....

Sorry if you are not a cat lover, have a look at the scenery instead!