Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Giants
Adore Amy's post about creating space and God levelling mountains. Both going on here and now in my little pocket of the world.
God is levelling mountains for me that are quite frankly, overwhelming and huge.
Mountain :: find a nanny.
No-one I know has ever had a nanny. I had no idea what to do, how to find one and how to choose. My children are just a little bit precious to me and I needed the right person. Also needed the nanny in place by the end of the month. This equals a mountain. God sorted it. I just cried out for help and He showed me. Step by step it happened and a lovely, gentle, musical Christian girl starts at the end of July. And she's getting more than she asked for and I am paying less than I thought.
Mountain :: prepare a profile for my company (for my big meeting tomorrow)
I had to adapt the existing one that had been done. I am very unfamiliar with the program I had to use to adjust it. A massive mountain. And yes, God sorted it. Took me step by step giving me the confidence to go a bit further and then further. Suddenly it was done and I went to the printer this morning. The profiles look gorgeous!
I really needed to hear Amy's words as this is my life. I have always walked a path with no sign posts. I honestly don't know of another christian woman in my world who is attempting to run a small business and raise very small kiddies. I look ahead and all I see is mountains. Thank goodness I have a mountain leveller ahead of me! Someone who loves me and promises that He will make a way. And then promises secret treasure. Treasure to create safe places for orphans with. And bring hope to the unloved and unwanted.
This is what the Lord says: "I will go before you Cyrus (means "of the sun"), and level the mountains. I will smash down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness- secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the One who calls you by name." Isaiah 45: 1-2Thank you God.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Remember how good it felt?
To snuggle in your parents bed?
It was a place of warmth and security and was oh so much bigger and better than your own bed!!!
It was a place of warmth and security and was oh so much bigger and better than your own bed!!!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
A lesson in humility
So yes.
This is not me. (Especially the body- I just gave birth, hello!!!)
The last 6 weeks have been the hardest (and the most wonderful and beautiful) of my life no doubt about it. And I have realised a few things....
Having children has taught me not to be quite as judgemental as I used to be. Isn't it amazing how as Christians we can judge? Yuck! We used to judge people who pulled back after having babies. "We won't be like that" we said, "We'll just take our babies along with us and keep going." Great sentiments and ones echoed by some Christians who have managed to pull this off. And I have aspired to be like them as they are pretty amazing.
But...they are not us and we are not them. And I cannot do it all. A humbling realisation.
I could sort of pull it off with one child. Start a small business, keep the home fires burning and focus on Rupi . I had help from my sister and mother and kind of did it all. I did cut back on serving at church as I couldn't attend some things but we managed to get to most events and meetings.
However two small children puts a whole new spin on things! And last week it all came to a head.
I tried to get along to a business breakfast hosted by the business arm of our church. I long to be part of this amazing group of people who inspire and spur me on. I have not been able to make the meetings since Rupi came along so really wanted to make this one as the speaker was the same as at the women's conference the next day.
It took a mammoth amount of organising using my sister and my hubbie who rearranged their days to help. I took off with Blossom in the car and hoped she would fall asleep on the way into the city. Hmmm. Not. I arrived with my tired and whining baby. She would not fall asleep so eventually I fed her early. She then developed extremely loud hiccups and complained on and off. I left early and walked the walk of shame across the hotel lobby with my now screaming child. Yes I attended but honestly? It wasn't worth it.
I cried tears of frustration and self pity on the way home and God whispered in my ear. "You can't do it all". And He's right. I can't do what I used to. We used to be the hard core serving, twice on a Sunday attending, glued to our seats during church people. Now? Not so much. Some Sunday's we are lucky to even get out of the house and into church. And that's ok.
Church for us means me in the parents room and hubbie in creche with Rupi who will not be left on his own. Church means attending at the moment, just being there. Even if we don't hear the sermon or hang around afterwards we are there. Present.
I am so glad God whispered this into my heart driving home after the disastrous business breakfast. Because otherwise I would have had to say that the womens conference was another disaster given how much I saw of the sessions. But it wasn't. I went along with my new expectations aligned with the grace God is extending me in this season. I sat in the parents room with all the other sleep deprived women and tried to hear what was said. But I actually connected more with other women than heard what was said.
And my new revelation was confirmed by my beautiful friend D who leads the Masterton church. As we rocked our babies in the foyer while the sessions went on inside the auditorium we talked about how we could have been resentful. But we weren't. We talked about God and our journeys and just connected. We shared and laughed and had our own session out there in the foyer.
Some things have to give in this season. This incredible, blessed season here in the Promised Land. And I am ok with that. More than ok. Very grateful to be here. And as I have learned to extend grace to others, I extend grace to me.
So yes. We are those people. Who don't always make it twice to church on a Sunday. Who are not always at every event. Who may appear to have "pulled back". But we are there, committed and sold out. Present.
This is not me. (Especially the body- I just gave birth, hello!!!)
The last 6 weeks have been the hardest (and the most wonderful and beautiful) of my life no doubt about it. And I have realised a few things....
Having children has taught me not to be quite as judgemental as I used to be. Isn't it amazing how as Christians we can judge? Yuck! We used to judge people who pulled back after having babies. "We won't be like that" we said, "We'll just take our babies along with us and keep going." Great sentiments and ones echoed by some Christians who have managed to pull this off. And I have aspired to be like them as they are pretty amazing.
But...they are not us and we are not them. And I cannot do it all. A humbling realisation.
I could sort of pull it off with one child. Start a small business, keep the home fires burning and focus on Rupi . I had help from my sister and mother and kind of did it all. I did cut back on serving at church as I couldn't attend some things but we managed to get to most events and meetings.
However two small children puts a whole new spin on things! And last week it all came to a head.
I tried to get along to a business breakfast hosted by the business arm of our church. I long to be part of this amazing group of people who inspire and spur me on. I have not been able to make the meetings since Rupi came along so really wanted to make this one as the speaker was the same as at the women's conference the next day.
It took a mammoth amount of organising using my sister and my hubbie who rearranged their days to help. I took off with Blossom in the car and hoped she would fall asleep on the way into the city. Hmmm. Not. I arrived with my tired and whining baby. She would not fall asleep so eventually I fed her early. She then developed extremely loud hiccups and complained on and off. I left early and walked the walk of shame across the hotel lobby with my now screaming child. Yes I attended but honestly? It wasn't worth it.
I cried tears of frustration and self pity on the way home and God whispered in my ear. "You can't do it all". And He's right. I can't do what I used to. We used to be the hard core serving, twice on a Sunday attending, glued to our seats during church people. Now? Not so much. Some Sunday's we are lucky to even get out of the house and into church. And that's ok.
Church for us means me in the parents room and hubbie in creche with Rupi who will not be left on his own. Church means attending at the moment, just being there. Even if we don't hear the sermon or hang around afterwards we are there. Present.
I am so glad God whispered this into my heart driving home after the disastrous business breakfast. Because otherwise I would have had to say that the womens conference was another disaster given how much I saw of the sessions. But it wasn't. I went along with my new expectations aligned with the grace God is extending me in this season. I sat in the parents room with all the other sleep deprived women and tried to hear what was said. But I actually connected more with other women than heard what was said.
And my new revelation was confirmed by my beautiful friend D who leads the Masterton church. As we rocked our babies in the foyer while the sessions went on inside the auditorium we talked about how we could have been resentful. But we weren't. We talked about God and our journeys and just connected. We shared and laughed and had our own session out there in the foyer.
Some things have to give in this season. This incredible, blessed season here in the Promised Land. And I am ok with that. More than ok. Very grateful to be here. And as I have learned to extend grace to others, I extend grace to me.
So yes. We are those people. Who don't always make it twice to church on a Sunday. Who are not always at every event. Who may appear to have "pulled back". But we are there, committed and sold out. Present.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Miss you like crazy
Tomorrow is two years from the day our hearts broke. The day you, my wonderful father-in-law went to be with Jesus.
I miss you so much still.
I miss you at times that are unexpected. One of of the two happiest days of my life, giving birth to Blossom, felt incomplete because you were not there. I sat on the hospital bed and my heart waited for you. Waited for you to walk in the room and hug me. For you to tell me how proud you were of me and take Blossom in your arms. You would have cried and I would have cried and you would have said 'You did good, girl".
I missed you then and miss you now.
I miss how amazing you would have been to Rupi and Blossom. That's what I miss the most. You were an incredible grandparent to my nieces. You were so hands on and I remember my heart aching watching you. Longing for you to be holding my babies. I would have trusted you with my precious babies totally and utterly.
You were a father in a million, a father-in-law without compare and a priceless grand father.
I miss you.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
zzzzz
{blossom 4 weeks old}I wish I had something exciting to blog about but really I don't. Life is about survival right now and I live in a bubble. I could blog about how incredibly tired I am but that's just boring and verging on complaining (and I won't do that!)
Rupi woke up 3,000 times last night and so was a nightmare at Mainly Music today. He threw himself on the ground in the MIDDLE of the circle as he had to give his drum a.k.a ice cream container back at the end of a song. Nice one. Oh, and shoved (his new trick) about 500 children during morning tea. He's a strong little boy, which I am proud of, and so flattens other children when he shoves them...not so proud at this point.
Blossom continues to grow and is super cute. She's just a little baby and so who can blame her for yelling and shouting a lot? Not me. That's just what baby's do. Although she was the loudest baby in the parents room at church again on Sunday. Yikes. I have tuned her yelling out to a large degree (survival tactic) and so it took me a while to notice she was yelling from the other end of the room at one point. She was meant to be sleeping but had decided otherwise. Many, many mothers looked at me as I walked the walk of shame across the large room to the pram that was emitting ear splitting howls and jerking from side to side as Blossom made her displeasure known. I slunk out to pacify her and she promptly stopped yelling and coo-ed at me. Girls. I tell you.
They are both asleep at the mo. I really should be asleep too but am waiting for the midwife. Maybe I will just rest my eye lids on the couch for a minute....
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