Thursday, July 1, 2010

A lesson in humility

So yes.

This is not me. (Especially the body- I just gave birth, hello!!!)

The last 6 weeks have been the hardest (and the most wonderful and beautiful) of my life no doubt about it. And I have realised a few things....

Having children has taught me not to be quite as judgemental as I used to be. Isn't it amazing how as Christians we can judge? Yuck! We used to judge people who pulled back after having babies. "We won't be like that" we said, "We'll just take our babies along with us and keep going." Great sentiments and ones echoed by some Christians who have managed to pull this off. And I have aspired to be like them as they are pretty amazing.

But...they are not us and we are not them. And I cannot do it all. A humbling realisation.

I could sort of pull it off with one child. Start a small business, keep the home fires burning and focus on Rupi . I had help from my sister and mother and kind of did it all. I did cut back on serving at church as I couldn't attend some things but we managed to get to most events and meetings.

However two small children puts a whole new spin on things! And last week it all came to a head.

I tried to get along to a business breakfast hosted by the business arm of our church. I long to be part of this amazing group of people who inspire and spur me on. I have not been able to make the meetings since Rupi came along so really wanted to make this one as the speaker was the same as at the women's conference the next day.

It took a mammoth amount of organising using my sister and my hubbie who rearranged their days to help. I took off with Blossom in the car and hoped she would fall asleep on the way into the city. Hmmm. Not. I arrived with my tired and whining baby. She would not fall asleep so eventually I fed her early. She then developed extremely loud hiccups and complained on and off. I left early and walked the walk of shame across the hotel lobby with my now screaming child. Yes I attended but honestly? It wasn't worth it.

I cried tears of frustration and self pity on the way home and God whispered in my ear. "You can't do it all". And He's right. I can't do what I used to. We used to be the hard core serving, twice on a Sunday attending, glued to our seats during church people. Now? Not so much. Some Sunday's we are lucky to even get out of the house and into church. And that's ok.

Church for us means me in the parents room and hubbie in creche with Rupi who will not be left on his own. Church means attending at the moment, just being there. Even if we don't hear the sermon or hang around afterwards we are there. Present.

I am so glad God whispered this into my heart driving home after the disastrous business breakfast. Because otherwise I would have had to say that the womens conference was another disaster given how much I saw of the sessions. But it wasn't. I went along with my new expectations aligned with the grace God is extending me in this season. I sat in the parents room with all the other sleep deprived women and tried to hear what was said. But I actually connected more with other women than heard what was said.

And my new revelation was confirmed by my beautiful friend D who leads the Masterton church. As we rocked our babies in the foyer while the sessions went on inside the auditorium we talked about how we could have been resentful. But we weren't. We talked about God and our journeys and just connected. We shared and laughed and had our own session out there in the foyer.

Some things have to give in this season. This incredible, blessed season here in the Promised Land. And I am ok with that. More than ok. Very grateful to be here. And as I have learned to extend grace to others, I extend grace to me.

So yes. We are those people. Who don't always make it twice to church on a Sunday. Who are not always at every event. Who may appear to have "pulled back". But we are there, committed and sold out. Present.

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Tiffany said...

THANK YOU for sharing Sammy!!!! I have really struggled with how much we "can't" be involved now that we have one child and can't even think what it will be like with two! It's so good to keep it realistic and not worry about what others think of you. You are an awesome Mommy!

PaisleyJade said...

I so know what you are talking about - for a while there I just felt like I went to church to hang out in the nursing room and come home again!

It gets easier and is a phase most mum's go through - I am sure those supermum's have their bad days too!

Gail said...

Hey babes, Theo is now almost 4 huh, but it's taken until this year before I've really been able to commit to anything... I used to watch from a distance and admire those who appeared to be able to give birth on a Sunday morning and serve that same night.... and think what is wrong with me? I'm capable, organized.... and then it hit me that this was also my time to step back and let someone else rise up. To get to God's house because I wanted to be there.... not necessarily because I was going to hear anything... to stay connected became more important than trying to take on too much and fluster about. I found small, other ways of serving..... but yeah, sitting back and letting things just take place slowly and naturally worked best for me/us in the end. Both kids were reluctant to stay in the programmes on their own for what seemed like forever, so it was important to us that we simply nurtured a love of God's House in them how ever long it took for them to find their groove. And now, they're cool and we can both serve again and they love that we do!

You are doing so well! and when it's time to serve in church again, you will.

Penny said...

We're gonna rock the mother's room together for the next while! Friendliness and greetings to all : ) xxxxx

Seekthetruth said...

greetings of peace!
I bumped into your blog today and i thought to myself how great your love is for Jesus..
i admire you for that as i am a lover of the messengers of God too..I love Jesus too(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
I'm a Muslim btw..
Just wanna share my belief regarding God and Jesus(peace and blessings of Allah/God be upon him)...God has given all of us freewill and thus im here just to share a small glimpse of what Islam is,,it's up to you to agree or disagree..

As Muslims we believe in the one Creator of the heavens and earths:
'Say: He is Allah, the One and Only,
Allah, the Eternal, Absolute;
He begets not, nor is He begotten;
And there is none like unto Him'
(Quran, chapter Al-Ikhlas)

regarding Jesus christ,
And behold!Allah will say:
O Jesus the son of Mary!Did you say unto men, 'worship me and my mother as gods in derogation of Allah?' He will say: 'Glory to You!Never couls I say what I had no right to say.Had I said such a thing, You would indeed have known it. You know what is in my heart, though I know not what is in Yours. For YOu know in full all that is hidden/

this short chapter proceeds with :
Jesus said:'never said I to them aught except what you did command me to say, to wit,Worship Allah my LOrd, and your Lord

these verses are taken from the holy qQuran, chapter 5: 116& 117


Sammy said...

Dear Seek the Truth
Thank you for your comment, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.
I am neither pastor not bible college scholar so don't want to enter into a thoelogical debate on my blog which is a personal life journey.
I will however very clearly state the tenants of my belief:
1. Jesus is the only Son of God. He is part of the Trinity consisting of Father, Son and Holy Spirit. He came to earth and lived as a man, He was fully man and fully God.
2. Jesus chose to die on a cross to take my place for the sins I have commited and so make a way to bring me back into a relationship with father God.
2. Jesus is the one and only way to a full and forgiven relationship with God and to life eternal in heaven.
3. My faith is grace based and not works based.
If you would like to continue a discussion please email me and I would be more than willing to chat to you. .
Love Sammy

Simoney said...

Hey Sammy, Woah baby!
I wanted to comment and encourage you but I got stuck on your commenter, seekthetruth. HOWEVER, I shall not be deterred - just wanted to say: Welcome to the wonderful world of parenting reality!!
We are all (except for a very few noble types) in your boat, or have been at some point. the mothers room is SUCH a beautiful thing! I honestly used to get so much out of just hanging out with others in the same boat; we had our own little session there every week and a hardly EVER got to hear the sermon. I'm talking after baby number one now, you know the one who I took with me everywhere (restaurants, house-do-ups, boat trips, parties, church)
Two is SO different to one. It's even more of a shock if baby number one is super settled and regular and baby number two not so much??
BUT, as Gail said, the season passes, and what God whispered in your heart is the key to enjoying it not just surviving it with toes tapping in frustration.
Love to you, been thinking of you... would love to come by and visit again when we get back from Oz and scool hols are over (PS I remember when you were on "the other side" declaring what you would and wouldn't do when you were a mummy... yep, remember it well. Do you know how many times I have had to eat my pre-kid words???? And now I look at others who are still pre-kid and know they are right there shaking their heads at us kid people and I think to myself, HA! you just wait!!)

皇銘 said...


These Three Kings said...

UGHHH I looove this post!!!!! Yes, we need Gods grace all the time in EVERY SEASON, girl this is real talk. It aint easy but the Lords grace awaits you. SO glad He revealed himself to you. Thank you for posting. I too have had to learn I cant do it all, I have been stretching myself so thin and I have one. love you lots!

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