Now I am not a baby kind of girl and generally think new borns are really ugly....but he's gorgeous. Can you see my melted heart? He's not squishy or red or wrinkled and is just plain beautiful. And he sucks his little fingers and makes a clicky noise...genius.
Meeting him was hard and there's no denying it. We felt awkward and out of place. Sort of like we were intruding. Not that anyone made us feel that way and everyone was so pleased to finally see us again. Even the nurses were so nice to us and welcomed us in.
Due to his size (I guess I better get used to the potential comments as he really does look like a 3 month old!) he was placed in a special care unit to monitor his blood sugar levels.
This place is like fort Knox and you have to be identified to get in. This one nurse knew our situation and was just so kind to us. She let us in with a cheery welcome and left us alone to have a precious special time alone with bubie. That was incredible and so kind. I guess we are not used to being treated with kindness due to the systems opinion of adoption and so kindness just stands out. So I got to sing with him and we prayed over him- it was just bliss. Needless to say he has captured our hearts!
And yet, life is not smooth for us and we had another road block from the social services (bless them Jesus, bless them...I will say it until my heart believes it)
We apparently should not have gone down so soon. We were not told this and were told that access after birth was fine... so another huge telling off from the social services. We really should be used to them by now I guess. Got our lawyer involved and packed up and came back home. I am going on more than I should but I just wish someone would speak to the birthmum about what she wants as all we are doing is following her wishes...
So here we are at home again trying to be positive. My hubbie is incredible and has handled all the various parties beautifully. My lion xxxx. I was a mess yesterday as what started out with such joy turned to custard and was so all tears and sniffles (you know, the ugly giant heaving sniffles) At least we were in a hospital where such behaviour is kind of normal, I guess.
We are meeting with the social services this week to work out "a visiting plan" so will take it as it comes.
When I asked God how we would cope all He said is that He has built strength into us for this time. I would just (quite selfishly I admit) like to not be strong for once and just have an easy perfect run through this. But I guess it comes back to what is unconditional. I have said time and again to God that I want my love for Him to be unconditional. And this is where unconditional rubber hits the road, so to speak. Even though this is a mess and nothing ever seems to work out for us, does my love for Him depend on Him doing things for me? Regardless of how hard this is I have to be able to say "no". That despite the mess I will love and honour and serve. Ouch.
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