There were times that were incredibly hard when it felt like my heart was ripped open and the dream of being a Mommy seemed like it would never happen. Those were the times I would day dream while driving about my baby shower. By faith I would imagine my baby shower- the thing that did not exist yet and had no reason (in the natural) to exist. I would drive with tears pouring down my face and give "the speech". The one where I give thanks to God Almighty for saving me from bitterness and resentment. Where I thank Him for not forsaking me when it seemed like He had. For remembering me so I too, like Sarah, could laugh. Laugh with joy at the favour and blessing of a child.
I have imagined my baby shower more times than I ever imagined my wedding. It has sustained me through such hard times. I think we each have a little thing we do to get us through- when we imagine the victory parade.
So tomorrow is my day, my baby shower. The actual baby shower is incidental. I don't really care what happens and to a degree, who is there. My speech is what matters because He will be there. He will be there in the room mingling, mixing, listening and to those who will hear, talking. I want to say thank you in front of the people who matter. Thank you to my Jesus, for remembering me. For blessing me. For not forsaking or forgetting me.
I want to say thank you. Thank you for my son.
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