Friday, June 18, 2010

Mothers milk

One thing that has surprised me about the whole pregnancy shenanigans is breast feeding. I didn't want to do it as I didn't see the point. I was not breast fed (and am really close to my Mom!) and Rupi wasn't breast fed (and we are really close) so despite being Little Miss Natural, I just wasn't convinced.

As birth approached I bowed to the pressure of well meaning family and friends. "Well", I thought, "let's give it a go." So about 20 minutes after birth the midwife latched Blossom on.

The pain sent me through the roof.

And mind you, I had had NO drugs during labour so knew what pain was! We got a lactation consultant in who tried again. At this stage I was sobbing. No go, I had a voracious baby and very know whats, so it was a failure. After these two attempts I was bleeding.

I tried on and off that day and into the night. I really wanted to go home but needed to sort out what the heck I was going to do. I thank God for my mid wife who wrote on my chart "May not breastfeed" so I got no pressure from the hospital midwives. (NZ is VERY pro breast feeding... and that's an understatement!) A wonderful hospital midwife got me onto an electric pump and I was away. The pain from a machine was bearable. The pain from Blossom was not.

So I have been expressing but it's just become too much. I have to find an extra 2 hours a day to sit in front of a pump. And that's not counting the time washing and talking care of the equipment. I really wanted it to work but my sanity comes first. Again, well meaning friends and family have applied pressure and the guilt at it not working out has been overwhelming at times. But I have a small toddler and a new born and I can't do it all.

My mid wife and hubbie have been amazing and encouraged me to stop. Just stop. In my mid wife's words " A mother who is coping is worth more to your baby than breast milk". So I am in the process of letting my milk dry up. And part of me is so sad. Everything about pregnancy and birth is so precious that it really hurts to lose this.

I am surprised how much I have loved feeding my baby from me. It's been a rare and precious gift and I am so grateful I got to experience it.

And Blossom will be just fine on formula.

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Canadian said...

Yes! She will be just fine! I got A LOT of guilt and pressure put on me, but my doctor said that a happy, functioning mom is more important to my baby than breast milk.
I am glad that you have tried, but I am also glad that you have realized what you NEED to do for the well being of your family and you have done it.

Anonymous said...

I only breast fed my son for 6 weeks because he's allergic to milk. It was too stressful for me to figure out how to cut out ALL dairy from my diet while still trying to eat healthy. I decided my sanity was more important. From the first soy formula bottle, he and I were both happier for it. I'm excited to try again, but we'll see how it goes :)

Simoney said...

Good on you Sam for persevering as long as you did. You are so right; a happy mother is better for your baby than breast milk, if the breast milk is making you strssed and loopy :)
Luv heaps

Gail said...

Sammy....... GO YOU!! So true babe. Blossom will blossom just so fine!x

The Tanner Crew said...

Oh Sammy this post brought back so many emotions as I had the same problem. I think I would have stuck with it but my milk never ever came in, not even a the answer was there but I too felt sad...but now it is a thing of the past and I hardley remember it, Blossom will do amazing!

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