Thursday, April 26, 2012


So yes, I am not pregnant.

But I was.

When I thought I was not.

We replaced both embryos and it was hard. We wanted to honor the gift we had been given and allow any life that was there to flourish. But we are so very happy as a family of four. Complete and content.

There were no symptoms at all, unlike the previous miscarriage and pregnancy. Nothing. I assumed, as I had been in that space 7 times, that I was not pregnant. Together we moved on utterly before the blood test. We had packed our bags emotionally and mentally and moved on.

So to be told I was indeed pregnant was like being hit with a baseball bat. We were in shock for about 4 days. I woke up yesterday on Anzac Day and felt that I had started to embrace the pregnancy. So we decided to tell our close ones. Yesterday afternoon I started miscarrying.

There was no life there, I am sure. Blossom was aggressive in her growth, I felt her every development. This was completely different, it was passive. There were no symptoms at all. The nurse called the embryos unviable and for once, their cold and clinical language fits.

So here we are.

We are a family of 4 and this whole experience has made me utterly convinced of the perfection of that number for us. Before, I wondered if there was a lack/ gap in our family. Now I know there isn't. We are complete.

While we are sad, we are free. An 8 year journey is at an end. We are free to move on, with our little blessings in tow. Our marriage is strong and we are happy. Our children are flourishing. Our quiver is full. Two amazing arrows sit in our quiver and our cup overflows. We are truly blessed.



Gail said...

Love you my friend.
That's all I have to say.xx

meg said...

Big big hugs from me too.

Anonymous said...

Love. That's all. :)

These Three Kings said...

Yes, I love you as well! Gods grace and comfort is amazing. It shines forth from your life.

PaisleyJade said...

Sending all my love - and your family is super precious!!

Johnny said...

What a journey. Thank you for sharing Sammy. xx Love to you all.

Leonie said...

Lots of love to you and your beautifu l family

Meghan Maloney Photography said...

Much love to you, lovely lady xxxx

Simoney said...

Oh this just made me goosebumpy.
Love you and your perfect foursome to absolute bits. You are indeed, FULL.
And so glad for you that you KNOW. No more uncertainty, just FULLNESS.

Widge said...

And I love you too!!!!!!!!

Lyns said...

Love to you and your family xx

Elizabeth said...

Love to you and yours.

Cat said...

this post gave me such a good way
this amazing journey
ends as unexpected as I am sure it began

and now you are indeed free
to move forward
to celebrate
to walked into a life complete
what a journey it has been Sammy I only know a very small part of it, but from that little I know, it is indeed miracle filled
blessings to you and your family of 4

love and light

jacksta said...

Tea said...

I'm sorry, Sammy. There is no part of this journey that is easy or free of pain, but I'm glad you can now be free. You are a beautiful woman, and you have such a beautiful family. Bless you guys.
My love & my prayers.. ♥

Neetz said...

and much MUCH love xx

Rebecca said...

....and what a gorgeous family you are!!! Xox

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