Saturday, February 21, 2009

IVF cycle update

Called the clinic yesterday and we are all systems go in the next couple of weeks. I need to wait for my "red friend" to arrive and then I go on the pill (ironic huh?). I wait for my donor to get her "red friend" and then they start to align our cycles and the true fun begins.

Part of me hopes and believes for a miraculous and natural pregnancy this month. Most of me knows that won't happen but there's a corner of me that cries out to God and believes for the miracle. Wouldn't that be wonderful....

Again most of me cannot believe that I am being this open about the IVF cycle. All the other IVF cycles have been done very privately with a small circle of trusted friends praying for us. This blog is public and I don't know who reads it. More frighteningly I don't know who from my world reads it and now knows our story. It's a very vulnerable time for us and if you know me in the real world please be easy with how (and who with!) you talk about it.

But I know why I am doing this. Why (as a very private person) I take the writings of my journal out and expose them to the light of day. It's because in some way I am writing to the me in years past. All I wanted was my journey, feelings, fears and pain to be acknowledged and then understood. To be acknowledged and then understood is a great gift.

You can love someone but not acknowledge and not understand. It takes people who have walked where you are are, visited the places you have been and seen the things you have experienced to acknowledge and then understand.

So really this is reaching out to those like me a couple of years ago, bewildered, hurting and looking for God. Looking for someone, anyone who understands.

And that makes it ok.

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Penny said...

What an awesome inspiration you are. Thanks for being vulnerable. Although I have to idea what you're going through sometimes, I do know you are courageous, brave and have a huge heart for God and will help so many women who are/will walk through the same thing. Praying for you xxx

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