Monday, December 21, 2009

Shallow waters

I don't do shallow a lot. Not shallow in a bad sense, shallow in terms of life. It's just how God made me, I am a deeeeeep thinker and feel things deeply too. And I can't do light and fluffy blog posts when stuff is going on. I cannot gloss over stuff and just have nothing to say. I write so many drafts and then just think "nah". Why bother....?


My Dad has cancer- a very aggressive melanoma on his eyebrow that they have not been able to cut out. It's all been very sudden and is a tad scary.

And I have been in denial. Fingers in ears, singing loudly and pretending in the rush of things to do before Christmas that its not happening. But a couple of times I have found myself in floods of tears and so it's not good. I am not ok with this.

The prognosis is ok-ish. He starts radiation today and does it until the end of January. And melanoma is not as bad (apparently) as internal organ cancer. But I have no ability to reason this one out. The prognosis for this incredible man was also good and he was supposed to survive and conquer. And I realise that we are not over losing my beloved father-in-law even 18 months on. The thought of losing my Dad at this point is just too much.

Reason says to believe that this is not terminal (but neither was my Da's). Reason says to believe my Dad when he says it's going to be ok (but this is what my Da said too) Reason says that this cancer is minor (but so was my Da's) My heart is struggling to get in line with my head.

So I guess I go back to what I do know. What has sustained me in the past . And that He will do the same now. Because He is God and he is good. He is victorious over all situations. He sustained us before and will do it again. He is God and He is good.


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PaisleyJade said...

Oh - my heart goes out to you and that you will have God's gracious strength and hope during this time.

Praying with you and for your Dad!

Jenn@Spejory said...

I am always glad to meet other deep thinkers like me. It's hard for us to not over-think and overanalyze when we need to be trusting God. When I am tempted to think too much I cling to Psalm 131 and let its words soothe me like I am a child in my Papa God's arms.

Praying for your sweet Dad.

tea said...

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how hard this must be. Saying a prayer for you, your family and your dad.
God's Peace to you,

These Three Kings said...

I just finished praying..thank you for sharing, I know that was hard. We are all hear interceeding on your is Jesus :)

Andrea said...


My thoughts and prayers are with you now. I know you've kept my family in your prayers and I will do the same for yours. May you feel the peace and strength that only He can give...

Gail said...

Oh Sammy..... praying for you guys.

Widge said...

Me too (praying for you and your family)xoxo

Amy said...

Sigh. I get you. Am there right now myself - fighting the hollow stomach and what if's - and having to constantly rein my mind in. Into shallow waters, crazy peace and resting in His arms. All of it simple and none of it easy. Thinking of you babe xx

cowgirltn said...

Praying for your dad and your heart to be strong and at peace.

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