Normal

Part of me revels in the fact that I am so normal at this stage of my life. Normal. It feels so good. A normal pregnancy. I know enough not to take it for granted and little enough to almost be casual.

I lug my son around when people whisper not to lift him, I go for walks when the same whispers say not to overdo it. I act as if I am pre-pregnant most of the time and have developed a relaxed and casual air about the whole thing. I don't read every book known to man and don't walk around with my bump on display. Casual....

Is this what it's like to be normal in this area? I wonder if this is what it feels when women fall pregnant at the drop of a hat? To be nonchalant about conception, pregnancy and birth? I have no idea and won't even try to imagine.

Because I know I am NOT normal in this area at all. Firstly, I am an older first time mother. Secondly, this is my first pregnancy but I am already a mother. Try explaining that one! And thirdly the child I carry is not biologically mine. Yup, so not normal it screams out loud!!!

So when I carry on and pretend like I am normal in this pregnancy, I enjoy indulging my own little fantasy. It's kind of fun, pretending to be like 90% of women in the world! But I also like how I get what a gift this is. Infertility taught me that. Next time you see an infertile with her baby, watch her face. She gets it. I love seeing the face of an infertile with her baby almost as much as I love watching the face of a groom as his bride walks down the aisle.


So I do not take one second or baby flutter for granted. And that's why even when it feels like my back is breaking (probaby 80% of my day) I will not moan!!! I will gently wail to myself on the inside, I admit, but no moaning girl! That's right.