Saturday, January 30, 2010

Normal

Part of me revels in the fact that I am so normal at this stage of my life. Normal. It feels so good. A normal pregnancy. I know enough not to take it for granted and little enough to almost be casual.

I lug my son around when people whisper not to lift him, I go for walks when the same whispers say not to overdo it. I act as if I am pre-pregnant most of the time and have developed a relaxed and casual air about the whole thing. I don't read every book known to man and don't walk around with my bump on display. Casual....

Is this what it's like to be normal in this area? I wonder if this is what it feels when women fall pregnant at the drop of a hat? To be nonchalant about conception, pregnancy and birth? I have no idea and won't even try to imagine.

Because I know I am NOT normal in this area at all. Firstly, I am an older first time mother. Secondly, this is my first pregnancy but I am already a mother. Try explaining that one! And thirdly the child I carry is not biologically mine. Yup, so not normal it screams out loud!!!

So when I carry on and pretend like I am normal in this pregnancy, I enjoy indulging my own little fantasy. It's kind of fun, pretending to be like 90% of women in the world! But I also like how I get what a gift this is. Infertility taught me that. Next time you see an infertile with her baby, watch her face. She gets it. I love seeing the face of an infertile with her baby almost as much as I love watching the face of a groom as his bride walks down the aisle.


So I do not take one second or baby flutter for granted. And that's why even when it feels like my back is breaking (probaby 80% of my day) I will not moan!!! I will gently wail to myself on the inside, I admit, but no moaning girl! That's right.


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2 comments:

Penny said...

What an exciting time! So glad we get to do it together. Good on you for not moaning - about the heat and your back! And thanks for the reminder to cherish and be grateful for everything about the little blessing inside me

FROGGITY! said...

blessings to you!

it is a normal thing in pregnancy, no matter the road you took to get there... to go on with your 'life a usual' to some extent. the best part of pregnancy to me is acting as normal but always feeling like you are keeping a sweet secret for someone while going about your daily life. everything seems more important, more significant... it's such a beautiful time! :)

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