processing adoption

It's been a bit of a mystery about how to talk to Rupi about his adoption. I even got a book about talking to young children about adoption it but they didn't give any practical ideas. Just theory and stories. So we've just winged it a bit. We talk about how Rupi grew in Sweetpea's tummy and then came out of her tummy into Mama's arms. We have a life book for him that has lots of pictures and stories including everything Sweetpea ever sent us. We read it and talk about it, but we've been unsure as to how much he understands.

So we're driving to pre-school last week and talking. Rupi has just grasped the concept of someone being more than one thing. I am his mother and a sister and a girl and a daughter. We were talking about this and he asked about Dida so we named all his names (father/ brother/ son/ boy). He then asked about me then Cate, then paused...

Rupi: "What about Sweetpea, Mama?"

Me: (BIG pause, bigger breath) "Well Sweetpea is a girl and she's a sister and a daughter. And...she's your birth-mother because you grew in her tummy".

Rupi: "Uh... And what about J?"

Me: (Help me Jesus) "Well, he's a boy and a brother and a son. And he's your birth-father as he helped you get into Sweetpeas's tummy".

Rupi: "Oh ok, can we sing Wheels on the Bus now?"

The amazing thing about it all is that he asked about Sweetpea and J straight after us and before any of the other really close people in how life. And we've never put Sweetpea and J together and talked about them as a duo. They were never really a couple and he's never seen them together. I got to use the terms birth mother and birth father with him and it seemed to go well.

He's obviously processing things positively and I guess all we can do is answer honestly and keep talking!