9 weeks and 2 days

So.





The last scan went well and my doctor had tears in his eyes. Probably so relieved to see the back of me (kidding!) I have been a patient for 4 years and the stats show that 80% of women are pregnant 2 years after becoming a patient so my finally falling preggers was a cause for celebration! I have now graduated from the fertility clinic. Gulp. Cast off into the sea of pregnancy without a clue. I think I am used to being told what to do, when and how with this whole fertility deal. I can no longer think for myself.....





Anyway, searching for an obstetrician and then I WANT ANOTHER SCAN. Just because. I am used to them and blood tests and pills etc. The freedom I have currently is a tad overwhelming.





We still haven't told many people. My hubbie wants to wait until 12 weeks although if my play boy bunny chest and swollen stomach doesn't give it away I don't know what will... The only thing in our favour is that it's not expected. We haven't been "doing a cycle" publicly. The reaction from the people we have told has been comical. A stunned look emerges as they try to take in the words we have just said, they ask us to repeat ourselves and then ask if it was natural. Pretty much the standard response. I am generally laughing by the end of the conversation at which point the person we have just told is doing some kind of victory dance. Very cute.





Must admit I am feeling horrendous. Pretty much permanently and severely hung over (for those of you with a PAST like ourselves that involved lots of drinking!) . I cannot eat enough and LONG for hot salty chippies. I would camp out at McD's if I could. I am trying to control myself but people, it's not pretty!





Other than that I am HAPPY. HAPPY. HAPPY. And very very grateful. Yessah. That about describes me....feeling yuck, happy and grateful!

7 wks and 5 days

I haven't even blogged about my scan yet and a week on I am 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant! I am a bad bad blogger! I am not posting any of my pregnancy posts on this blog until 12 weeks and haven't been blogging much on the other blog so the silence must be deafening...!



Anyhoo.



The scan last Friday (6 weeks and 5 days) went well!



I was terrified and so was my poor doctor. We were all holding our breath and while I changed and lay down behind the curtain I was hyperventilating. My hubbie said they could hear this fast heavy breathing from behind the curtain but no-one was in any frame of mind to laugh. It was TENSE.



He found the egg sac and then... I saw a flicker at the top left. I asked if that was the heart beat and the doctor said yes. I just started sobbing.



The little bean was (must be bigger than that now) 6.8mm. Amazing. I got two pictures which was so great- not that you can actually see anything on the photo. Still that white blob in the corner is a little bean!



It was surreal and I had a grin splitting my face in half on the way out. We went for coffee and just absorbed this momentus news. I think my hubbie is starting to believe that this may just happen. I think it will!



I am feeling yucky but so glad to be feeling this way. I have an unhealthy attraction to rice (anything made of rice, cooked with rice or with rice as an ingredient) at the moment and am hoping it will pass....



Next scan is Monday (8 weeks and 1 day) and if all is well we graduate from the fertility side of the clinic. We think we may stay there with one of their obstetricians. But we'll think about that on Monday afternoon!



Yay! I am pregnant!

6 wks and 3 days

Another good blood test yesterday. Haven't quite learnt the art of not panicking before a blood test but perhaps that's par for the course? The nurses are always so breezy and friendly and say hi and how are you, what are you up to....? Inside I am screaming TELL ME!!!! Tell me the result!!!! No waffle, JUST TELL ME!



Anyway.



My hormone levels are over 16,000 now. Crikey. The first reading was 53. Wait a mo.....wave of nausea. Thank you Jesus! I love those waves. Yes I know people reading this will say "Just you wait" like all the other "Just you waits". But. I am so grateful to be nauseous, uncomfortable, bloated, sore and tired. My tummy looks like a black and blue punching bag from the Heparin (blood thinners) and I am still grateful.



[The Heparin is so that if my body decides to mount an attack on the embie, it will not be able to gather resources. Kinda attacking without an army- hehe!]



So the next HUGE milestone is the scan which they have brought forward to Friday. Yay, as I don;t have the spend the weekend trying not to worry. They will check for a sac (sack?) and a foetal heartbeat. If everything is good, the rate of miscarriage drops to 5%.

I cannot believe I am at this point. That I may have a little tiny beating heart (size of a poppy seed) in me. Me. So called infertile, barren girl.



And if not, I will praise my God to the highest heaven for being pregnant for 6 amazing and wonderful weeks.



Thank you God!

Yay for Speck!

Little speck continues to do well. Ok, we think it's doing well as my hormone levels are continuing to rise. Woohoo!



On Monday they were at just over 1000 and today they clocked in at over 6000! Crikey. No wonder I feel hormonal. It's like PMS intensified 1,000 000 times.



And! I have found an angel for a blood sucker. She is at a local branch and now I know her by name, I walk in and say "B please". She is gentle and doesn't even use the air-suckie needle thing (they don't use traditional syringes for blood tests here, it's like a little suction pump attached to a needle that sucks the blood out. Super great for my special veins. Not.) B uses a proper syringe on me. Love her!



So feeling so happy. Or I would if I could keep my eyes open. I am SO tired. But I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!



Yay!

I am

My levels are good, tracking along the same path as previously. They want them to go up in an steady arc and that's what we have. Praise God!



So the little embie (although much different from the picture above on Day 3!) is still alive on Day 23. So I am 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant.



My muti involves: Progersterone pessaries 3 times a day; eostrogen tablets 3 times a day, asparin tablets once a day, heparin injections (ouch) twice a day, fish oil tablets/pregnancy multi vitamins once a day and apple cider/ honey drink (for potassium) twice a day



Next blood test on Friday.....

Am I or am I not?

Been so sick and now even worse. Worried my body has a fever and the embie has gone to be with Jesus. So had a blood test this morning and we'll see if I am still pregnant. Sigh.



Lucky the clinic is so wonderful. Nothing like a patient deciding when she will have blood tests and then taking herself off to have them! Well, I figure I am a regular by now. Afterall I DID design the clinic and have been a patient for 1,000 years....



Waiting, waiting....

Yes

So yes, the words I thought I would never say- I am pregnant. Even writing those words seems unreal. How could I ever be pregnant? At this moment, God has breathed life into me and I carry a scrap of life.





5 weeks today.





We have been working our way through the frozen embryos and the second (of 4) has bloomed into life. This little one was a 8 cell on paper but they think divided again just before they froze it and was a 10 cell embryo. Strong! When the lab thawed it only 2 of the 10 cells didn't make it so we had an 8 cell embryo replaced.





I had physical symptoms of pregnancy early on and it was driving me crazy so I had a blood test a day early (5 September) and it was positive. I was in shock when we got the call and did not know what to think. Happy scared I guess.





This period in time (5 weeks) is the time when things went wrong last time so I find myself watching my body like a hawk. I have a bad cold so maybe that could cause things to go wrong? And I imagine the symptoms stopping or not being so strong constantly.





But.





I am ok. Should this not work then I have had a week of glorious pregnancy. I never thought I would have this opportunity. It is so wonderful to know that my body can support a scrap of life. Because it's not up to me, it's up to God to breathe life into that little embryo.





Today we sang another Equippers anthem. Amazing song and I lived every line of that song. And a couple of lines resonated in my heart.

The enemy is defeated

As I praise You, praise You

You are Mighty, yes You are

You are Mighty, yes you are

The enemy and what he seeks to bring (fear) is defeated. No matter what, I will not turn on my God in anger or bitterness if this does not work out. It would be wonderful and amazing to work out but that may not be my reality and that's ok. I have come to far to give in now.





My God is my Rock and He will sustain me through this time.





Next blood test on Tuesday and that's the one that told us we were to miscarry last time. Can't deny I am nervous but I will do my utmost to trust in Him. And His Grace will fill the gap for me.