Eat me

Here I sit waiting for more food. If you know me, you know that I am pretty healthy eater. Well, not today....


I am starving.


I started with a chocolate bar when buying office stationary and then scoffed it in the car on the way to my meeting. Abnormal behaviour. Chocolate is to be treasured and not scoffed with no attention paid.





I them moved onto a pie for lunch. I HAD to have a pie. And I can't remember the last time I had a pie. A bit like the unbelievable craving I had for Coke (evil bad substance that has not passed my lips for years!) a while back. I had to have some. No control. So I did.



.




Then at home I have just slavered arrowrrot biscuits (plain biscuits) with butter and ate them. The last time I had a plain biscuit with butter was when I was about 10 years old and they were Marie biscuits in South Africa.








And now I have dispatched my poor husband with Rupi to go and get fish and chips for dinner. He valiantly tried to deflect this craving onto something more healthy and was still trying as I shooed him out the door. A chicken wrap? NO. Japanese? NO. Anything other than fish and chips? NO. NO. NO.







So here I sit, waiting for food. It better hurry up.

Family

We have spent the weekend with these little mites. They are the cutest things. They attempt to mother Rupiand sit and play with my hair while I stick glitter butterfly clips in theirs. They live out in the sticks near a huge lake with a big dog- this adds up to space and running and freedom. Bliss.

They are Rupi's cousins and we had the best time with them and their Mommy and Daddy. Daddy was a famous rugby league player and knows everything about sport. I try to hide my extreme lack of knowledge on this area when around him, haha!!! They are wonderful amazing people with a relaxed and loving house. Daddy made his gourmet pizzas for us on Sat night and we watched movies and chilled out. And their Mommy, my hubbie's sister, is the only one who has felt baby girl move other than us. So special!

There is nothing quite like family!

Incredible

[My beautiful infertile friends may wish to skip this post. I think I'll post a warning when I think a post is too much as I know I am in the "hard phase" for someone to see who's going through infertility. You know, the heavily pregnant and newborn phase....]



This is incredible. We have loved this whole pregnancy and are still overwhelmed with thankfulness that we get to do this. Who would have thought? Not us, that's for sure!



We have relaxed more and more as we have progressed without any worry (thank you God and my amazing body!) and are thoroughly loving each moment.



Now that the end is in sight we are trying to appreciate every second. After all it's highly unlikely I will be here again. With Rupi , God broke through. His name means "restorer" and God truly restored. With this baby girl, God gave us an abundance. This is the cherry on the top and the high note.



I stare at my bump in awe. And the feeling of having her move inside me is indescribable. It is one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. She moves! A little person moves inside ME. The so-called barren one!



My heart just sings!



And while we wait and appreciate and cherish, this little man brings us such joy. A determined, methodical, Mommy and Daddy's boy, who fills the house and our hearts to bursting point.



We are so blessed!

Happiness is...

We went to a party on Sat night and I did a LOT of standing and even some dancing. We left a bit early because baby girl was kicking me so much (think the music was too loud) and I felt like I was going to lie down and die.

So.

I have strained myself in places no-one should and I am not going to explain how much I hurt and where. Let's just say it's a girl thing.

So today I got myself one of these. It's a belly belt and it feels so much better. When will I learn that I am pregnant and can't cavort around like normal?

I got the belly belt at my favourite shop. It's the shop that used to make me die inside as an infertile and I still can't quite walk in and feel like I belong. But the sales staff are so nice and the clothes are so lovely and they fit! It's not cheap so I shop when they are on sale which is a whole 2 times since I got pregnant.

So really I have a dress (heavily discounted as a birthday present and oh so lovely), 2 tops (got 70% off- go me!) and a belly belt. No-one would call me a regular customer now would they?

Anyway, I was in there today pleading for a belly belt and I saw these!!!! I found them on the internet and was going to order one around the 8th month. They look fabulous and supposedly help you after birth to get all the muscles and what-nots sucked back into where they should be. I am liking it. Like a huge stretchy bandage...!

So for the price of this in US$ I can get it without postage costs in NZ$. Yay! I was very happy. AND this shop has bras that lift AND separate. Because to be honest, I am hating the maternity bra I have and sneak in the odd occasional wearing of my friend the forbidden under wire bra. For those times when I do not want to appear that I have one solid shelf of a chest...

So I am happy and my nether regions are happy and my tummy will be happy after birth. One huge happy family!

Mr Charmie-pants

Been a bit silent on the blogging front this week. Lots going on, heat, humidity, boisterous boy, large tummy and huge things in the business.



Can I admit that I am tired without complaining? Life is large and full and wonderful and at 28 weeks pregnant I am finding myself a bit tired.



I was hanging out to go to the beach with my men and off we went with lattes and biscuits in tow. We ran into good friends who were entering a paddling race. So lovely to see them. Rupi was the man of the hour and ran here and there charming everyone he could! Such a cutie!








I love the beach and I love New Zealand!

A bundle of cuteness!

My gorgeous and amazing sister Penny gave birth in the wee hours of this morning to Esera*. It was all very fast and happened a LOT quicker than any of us thought! In fact Esera nearly made his appearance in the car....!

Big brother Benjamin was on hand throughout it all and touched his brother soon after his arrival. How special is that????

Penny looks incredible and is doing so well. I am so proud!

Rupi took a little convincing around his new cousin as you can see!!!

* Esera pronounced quickly with the emphasis on the "a".

28 weeks and 0 days with a little grieving

Warning: another deeeeep post! For those of you who have popped over for a light and fluffy read, this may not be your week....!

Birth is coming! And I am really looking forward to it. In some bizarre way I am looking forward to the experience as I never thought I would have the chance to experience it. I have enjoyed being pregnant and watching my body blossom and welcome and protect a little baby and I trust that my body can do birth.

I have been reading some books and have ordered a couple more gentle birth books off Amazon.
As I research this and realise how aware babies are I am grieving a little. We have always held the view that babies are a lot more aware that we give them credit for. We have always respected Rupi as a person and tried to always involve him in the things that happen to him. Tried not to do things to him. But it seems (with good reason) to go back even further, back to the womb. Babies are aware in the womb and even through the birth experience.

I grieve that I could not have carried and birthed Rupi. I don’t know what happened to him over the time he was in the womb, the stresses, worries and strains that accompanied the adoption situation must have been felt by him. And the birth was so prolonged and traumatic. The thinking is that babies have a lot to do with when they are birthed and Rupi was induced 9 times. He just would not come. What did he think the outside would contain????

When we met him, he was like a closed book. He had not attached to anyone. It took him a while to trust us and then he attached and honestly, just latched onto both of us with a vengeance! Was that all because of his birth and womb experiences? I just don’t know. Sweetpea and her family are wonderful and very loving but the whole situation must have been so stressful.

So I grieve that I couldn’t protect him and carry him and birth him. I missed that and it can never be replaced.

In my family we are all about “fair”. My Mom and Dad treat us all the same and never favour one above the other. So some crazy part of me does not want baby girl to have what Rupi didn’t with me. Yes, I know it’s mad….

But it has occurred to me that Rupi has something that baby girl will never have. 18 months of pure and undiluted attention from us. We have poured ourselves into this little man and surely that must make up for some of what may have happened over the time before we were around? God has guided us, I believe, and we have done stuff that may be a little mad but I know has helped him attach. We never let anyone other than the two of us bottle feed him; we have never let him cry for long periods of time and have never spent much time away from him. Lots of touch, no shouting (of course, no smacking!) and lots of affirmation.

Despite all this, I am a little sad. It’s caught me by surprise as I have never longed to be pregnant and I think would have been fine if we had adopted two children instead of bearing one of them. But now that I get what fertile women get and am facing what fertile women face, it’s come out. It’s probably a good thing to face and deal with.

But all I can do is trust God. He knows the beginning from the end and I trust Him with us. I trust Him with Rupi, I really do. That is saying a lot as I am very protective of my little boy. I truly trust Him. He’s Good and I know loves us.

So as Rupi has special things from us that no other child can experience, baby girl will too. And in the end I believe that they will both be secure and loved. God loves them so much and He will heal any hurts and fill any gaps.

I heart Him and I trust Him.