A letter to Those Who Love us

This is a letter I wrote a while ago in my journal to the people in my world who love us. Often people have no idea how to relate to us and have no idea how much their love and support means.



Dear Loved One



Thank you for loving us. We need your love more than you could ever imagine. You are so precious to us and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for loving us, carrying us and praying for us.

Your cards and texts and phone calls and emails are a life line to us. Please don't worry about saying the wrong thing, the likelihood is that you probably will, if you haven't already! We know you love us and do not mean to hurt us. We are super sensitive and are likely to be hurt by seemingly innocent comments. Its ok, just be there for us.

Infertility can be savage and can rip the breath from us at times. This is a journey like no other and unless you have walked this, there is no way to fully understand what its like. It's like we are standing still and life is moving on without us. As couples meet, get engaged, married and finally start families around us, we are still here where we started. Its like we are stuck in some terrible slowly sinking quicksand.


This has been described as reverse grief. Grief that intensifies over time instead of subsiding. We trust God and press into Him and He may give us healing from the pain and allow us to move on. This is not always the case and the longing we have for a child gets stronger and stronger over time.

When you see us going through a bad time please remember that you are seeing a snap shot of our journey. What we look like on the outside does not reflect our hearts. We love God and while we may be angry and frustrated with Him at times, He is Sovereign and we love Him.

Please understand that at times it will be hard for us to be around you if you are pregnant or have children. Pregnant women and new borns are the hardest for us. We long to feel undiluted joy but sometimes the pain is just too much. We acknowledge that this may be hurtful for you and are so very sorry. The last thing we would ever want is to bring you pain.

Celebrations are very hard for us. Christmas, Mothers Day and Fathers Day are particularly hard. We may not be able to celebrate in the way that you would like. We want to, but the pain of our lack or loss eclipses the joy we feel.


Please remember our husbands. Their pain is as real as ours. They are often carrying us and so need your love and encouragement and support even more than we do. This is a family affair and our parents and siblings are often suffering along side us.


Thank you for praying and encouraging and supporting us. Words can't express how much that means to us. Sometimes the faith that you have for our breakthrough is the only thing that keeps us going.

Please don't give up on us and please don't walk away from us. We need you and we love you.