Thursday, November 26, 2009

I can do this!

My life is big. Gorgeously expansive and stretching- oh wait, isn't that just my body (hehe!) I started a design company as I have mentioned many times. It's wonderful and God annointed and fulfils my life mandate of looking after the widows and orphans. God is blessing us and the jobs are coming through at a steady trickle. I love it.

But I never wanted it.

The reason is the client contact. Design is one of those professions where you need to get in someone's face and talk. No problem. Except for managing my little boy. I get called to go to a meeting tomorrow at this time. No problem I say, hang up and hyperventilate. Managing this all around him is really hard. I am truly blessed with my INCREDIBLE sister who invites me to drop Rupi off whenever and she looks after him. It's still incredibly hard though managing a fluid business with no set times and routines and trying to be a Mommy and run a home. Please hear me I am not complaining, it's just the reality of this is a little (ok,a lot) overwhelming at times.

I started reading Zechariah this morning...with the help of a commentary as I am not that holy OR intelligent to do it alone and the words spoke right to me.

We think when we return to/ or enter the promised land that life will be easy. Now that we have the promise life will fall into place. The promised land will be flowing with milk and honey and all we have to do is sit back and reap the rewards of holding fast. We think that we have done the hard work by enduring through the wilderness exile. That place where we waited and prayed and fasted and wept. The place where we looked at the promised land with such longing and imagined what it would be like. And though it’s incredible it needs a lot of work. It needs us to engage and put our backs to the wheel.

The people in Zechariah (Zech 1: 1-6) thought like me. They were faithful to God during their long captivity and held onto God’s promise of deliverance. Finally break though came and they entered the promised land. They came home. God saw them and rescued them. But like me they expected life to be easy in the promised land. They expected that everything would be in place and they could just relax and sit back. After all wasn’t that their reward for their faithfulness? Silly foolish people and silly foolish me.

The promised land is hard work. There is a lot of work to do and all of it is hard. Harder than we thought it would be. In Zechariah’s time after 70 years the people were living in a desolate land just waiting. They were meant to unite and build and build and build. A lesson to me.

This IS the promised land. I am living in the land of blessing. My days in the wilderness are over and break through has come.

It is a LOT harder than I thought. God has a plan for me and it does not involve sitting on my bum. I have a lot to do. I am raising a child and will be raising two next year. Alongside this is a business which is God ordained. This means hard work. Hard work managing children and a house and a business. I have the capacity and what capacity I don’t have, God does. He lifts me up when I am tired and overwhelmed.

I am not sure where I thought break through meant rest and doing very little. That expectation has nearly de-railed me at times and I need to let it go. This is hard work- end of story. Blessed, anointed, fun, crazy, grace-filled work.

And with God, I can do it!

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