The incredible hulk

Two posts in one day, my my! This trend will not continue....that I can promise!

Anyway.

It's winter so I have been wearing flannel PJs. And our duvet (doona?) is filled with goose down. So it's super warm. And the weather has been mild.

I have been getting hot at night. Rather hot it seems. I woke up one morning this week with my PJ top unbuttoned. No, there was no nocturnal activity as the hubs was sleeping in the living room with Blossom. So strike that one. I was a bit taken aback, as you would be.

I tried to button it back up and . could . not . find . the . buttons. I thought I may be in a bit of a daze so stood up. And my buttons tinkled down around me like little drops of rain.

Yup. I had RIPPED them off my PJ top!!!!!! In the night, trying to take my top off as I was hot. Unbeknown to me I ripped them clean off. And to top it off, I ripped them so hard I broke them. All. Every single one is broken.

Nice one.

A truck load of cuteness!

" Oh hi Mama, I didn't notice you there"

"You may admire the cuteness in my little hoodie"

"while you give this cute little face more milk"

"and then I will give you my pensive "I think there's wind somewhere in there" look""

"Followed by general all round "cleaned, fed and winded" cuteness"

The face

This is the face I see mostly at the moment. Nice.







Rupi is going through a smacking, shoving and all round bad boy stage. Yes, he's adjusting to a new baby sister, having testosterone and developing independence but often this just crosses the line. And it's tiring.



Thank goodness for one of my besties who ran an early childhood centre in her previous life. Her good advice and helpful email was prefaced with "now first you need to know you are a great mum and going a great job". Really? Because having to leave Mainly Music early again because my son shoved a small child for the 10th time doesn't make me feel so fabulous.



I am just repeating (as I put him in time out for the 500th time) "this will pass, this will pass, this will pass...!) Along with slightly hysterical pleas to God "GIVE ME PATIENCE PULEEEZE!!!"

Shifting

God is so good! I feel shifting in the area of friendships for me just as I prayed and asked. I am so humbled how He hears the cry of our hearts.

I met up with the girl from Mainly Music this morning. We have so much in common, both South African, live near to one another, worked in the same industry, have adoption in our familes and she is considering being an egg donor. Boy, did I encourage her in this area! It's hard to put into words what a gift that would be to some couple. It would be a gift beyond measure or expression.

We did not meet by accident. God designed this. She is unsaved which is even MORE exciting. I can't wait to see where this goes!





The only negative was how my son beat her daughter up (shoving mainly!). Repeatedly. The shame.....

Hope

{this is not my car- mine is older, a champagne colour and my husband does not look like that!}

.

We waited a long time for children. We ached and longed for 6 solid years before Rupi came along. To keep going that long we needed faith. And you know what He says about faith....

faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen

hebrews 11:1

Faith comes from hope. And hope is hard to come by when you are going through a long trial. It fades so quickly. So we needed hope. And lots of it.



Today was my turn. I gave someone hope. And it was so good.





I went to get a WOF for my car (warrent of fitness- in NZ this is a bi-annual checkup for your car. No WOF, no drive on road and no insurance!) The testing station had an outside area and I sat out there with the smallies in tow.





I struck up a conversation with the lady sitting next to me as we waited for our cars to be checked. She asked about the smallies and their names and ages. She then told me that she had missed her chance to have children as she has bad endometriosis. My heart broke as I saw the pain in her eyes.

I told her that things are not always as they seem and Rupi is adopted and Blossom is an egg donor child. Her eyes widened as I presented hope to her. I told her my story and she just drank it in. I also told her about a close friend who had stage 4 endometriosis (the worst kind) who has two children now. Good stories filled with hope.


I didn't offer her advice as I didn't know the ins and outs of her story. I know enough not be barge in with "this is what you should do". But I was blessed to offer her hope as I was offered hope so many times. I used to love stories of victory. People who against the odds, had children.




I was so grateful to be used like this. Barren girl, daring to offer hope. This lovely lady smiled as she left giving Blossom one more stroke on her little cheek. Who knows what God will do in her life? The possibilities are endless. I pray though that they involve children. And He can do it. After all, He can move mountains!

Satisfied

I have been lonely. Feeling a bit isolated. We live in a part of Auckland that is not near our church. So very few church people live near us. Getting out to visit my church friends with two very small children is hard and put a 25min trip either way on top of that, and it all becomes a bit overwhelming.

I was feeling a bit friendless. Despite having family close by I felt a bit lonely. Relationships change after children and I have lost touch with some friends. I know how it is, you just can't relate- and that's ok. And I hadn't seen other friends for ages (mainly due to my lack of availability!)

So I put my big girl panties on (LOVE that expression) and decided to reach out. And asked God for some church friends who live close by. I started making "dessert dates" with my friends. If I can't get out during the day, I can manage at night after the kiddies are in bed. And it doesn't have to be late either- an hour or two of uninterrupted conversation is enough to nurture friendships.

I had my first one with her this week. It was wonderful. We went to the Chocolate Boutique and hogged a table for nearly two hours. Surrounded by chocolate I hoovered a giant dessert and we talked. About clothes and husbands, body image and food, life and love. It was wonderful! And I have made a few more "dates" and I can't wait.

And God came through big time! An amazing couple are moving up from Wellington to take over a church near where I live. They have bought a house 5MIN AWAY FROM ME! Yeehaa! She is such a great girl. Funnily enough when I caught up with her at the womens conference I remember thinking how much I liked her and if she lived in Auckland I would hunt her down for coffees! Maybe not so funny, huh? Maybe a God thing?

And at Mainly Music a girl I used to work with turned up and asked ME if I would like to catch up! So nice to be asked instead of doing the asking. Just lovely.

So I am not lonely, I just needed to reach out! Beautiful! And satisfied.

Speak to me (part two)...

Well it turns out that it takes 48 hours to uninstall Disqus so still no comments. Argh.

The reason for my failed foray into the world if HTML and all things IT was the odd comments I have been getting. It seems that when some comments are translated, weird things happen. The comment is a series of boxes and full stops. And when I click on the line of full stops I get directed to a website that I deem dodgy. Very dodgy indeed.

So.

I am so sorry but if you are a commenter (commentor?) and your comment is translated (with that dodgy link)I will delete it. And if it carrys on I will have to block your blog. I hate having to do this as I love comments, and lets face it who doesn't, but I hate dodgy-ness even more.

The comments could be spam and research I did led me to believe they may be, which in turn led me to Disqus and there my cleverness ended.

This is why I outsource IT for my little business. I am IT illiterate. The end.

Speak to me...

I am in the process of installing Disqus as a comment system to stop the spam (and often strange) comments I have been receiving!

At the moment no-one can comment, and I am trying to figure out why. Please bear with me xx

The week that was

Phew.

This has been a week of meetings (that went REALLY well!), walks in the cold winter sun, playing on the beach, battling colds all round, diverting a small brother trying to whack an even smaller sister, dealing with tantrums, hearing cute words for the first time, watching Wiggles and Thomas the train DVDs a million times and dealing with a couple more tantrums.

In the middle of the chaos there have been some God-filled and beautiful moments :

Late afternoon sanity playtime at the local McDonald's playground. It rocks and so does the $5 coffee and muffin special.


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Having some one-on-one time dancing and singing on Mommy and Daddy's bed....

Precious moments with little beings that won't be little for very long. Thank you God.

Wordless Wednesday- Beach Bliss

Roger

For Roger's birthmum!!

Giants

Adore Amy's post about creating space and God levelling mountains. Both going on here and now in my little pocket of the world.

God is levelling mountains for me that are quite frankly, overwhelming and huge.

Mountain :: find a nanny.

No-one I know has ever had a nanny. I had no idea what to do, how to find one and how to choose. My children are just a little bit precious to me and I needed the right person. Also needed the nanny in place by the end of the month. This equals a mountain. God sorted it. I just cried out for help and He showed me. Step by step it happened and a lovely, gentle, musical Christian girl starts at the end of July. And she's getting more than she asked for and I am paying less than I thought.

Mountain :: prepare a profile for my company (for my big meeting tomorrow)

I had to adapt the existing one that had been done. I am very unfamiliar with the program I had to use to adjust it. A massive mountain. And yes, God sorted it. Took me step by step giving me the confidence to go a bit further and then further. Suddenly it was done and I went to the printer this morning. The profiles look gorgeous!

I really needed to hear Amy's words as this is my life. I have always walked a path with no sign posts. I honestly don't know of another christian woman in my world who is attempting to run a small business and raise very small kiddies. I look ahead and all I see is mountains. Thank goodness I have a mountain leveller ahead of me! Someone who loves me and promises that He will make a way. And then promises secret treasure. Treasure to create safe places for orphans with. And bring hope to the unloved and unwanted.

This is what the Lord says: "I will go before you Cyrus (means "of the sun"), and level the mountains. I will smash down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness- secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the One who calls you by name." Isaiah 45: 1-2

Thank you God.

Remember how good it felt?

To snuggle in your parents bed?

It was a place of warmth and security and was oh so much bigger and better than your own bed!!!

A lesson in humility

So yes.













This is not me. (Especially the body- I just gave birth, hello!!!)









The last 6 weeks have been the hardest (and the most wonderful and beautiful) of my life no doubt about it. And I have realised a few things....





Having children has taught me not to be quite as judgemental as I used to be. Isn't it amazing how as Christians we can judge? Yuck! We used to judge people who pulled back after having babies. "We won't be like that" we said, "We'll just take our babies along with us and keep going." Great sentiments and ones echoed by some Christians who have managed to pull this off. And I have aspired to be like them as they are pretty amazing.





But...they are not us and we are not them. And I cannot do it all. A humbling realisation.





I could sort of pull it off with one child. Start a small business, keep the home fires burning and focus on Rupi . I had help from my sister and mother and kind of did it all. I did cut back on serving at church as I couldn't attend some things but we managed to get to most events and meetings.





However two small children puts a whole new spin on things! And last week it all came to a head.





I tried to get along to a business breakfast hosted by the business arm of our church. I long to be part of this amazing group of people who inspire and spur me on. I have not been able to make the meetings since Rupi came along so really wanted to make this one as the speaker was the same as at the women's conference the next day.





It took a mammoth amount of organising using my sister and my hubbie who rearranged their days to help. I took off with Blossom in the car and hoped she would fall asleep on the way into the city. Hmmm. Not. I arrived with my tired and whining baby. She would not fall asleep so eventually I fed her early. She then developed extremely loud hiccups and complained on and off. I left early and walked the walk of shame across the hotel lobby with my now screaming child. Yes I attended but honestly? It wasn't worth it.


I cried tears of frustration and self pity on the way home and God whispered in my ear. "You can't do it all". And He's right. I can't do what I used to. We used to be the hard core serving, twice on a Sunday attending, glued to our seats during church people. Now? Not so much. Some Sunday's we are lucky to even get out of the house and into church. And that's ok.



Church for us means me in the parents room and hubbie in creche with Rupi who will not be left on his own. Church means attending at the moment, just being there. Even if we don't hear the sermon or hang around afterwards we are there. Present.





I am so glad God whispered this into my heart driving home after the disastrous business breakfast. Because otherwise I would have had to say that the womens conference was another disaster given how much I saw of the sessions. But it wasn't. I went along with my new expectations aligned with the grace God is extending me in this season. I sat in the parents room with all the other sleep deprived women and tried to hear what was said. But I actually connected more with other women than heard what was said.


And my new revelation was confirmed by my beautiful friend D who leads the Masterton church. As we rocked our babies in the foyer while the sessions went on inside the auditorium we talked about how we could have been resentful. But we weren't. We talked about God and our journeys and just connected. We shared and laughed and had our own session out there in the foyer.



Some things have to give in this season. This incredible, blessed season here in the Promised Land. And I am ok with that. More than ok. Very grateful to be here. And as I have learned to extend grace to others, I extend grace to me.





So yes. We are those people. Who don't always make it twice to church on a Sunday. Who are not always at every event. Who may appear to have "pulled back". But we are there, committed and sold out. Present.