currant in a current

It's been one of those spaces in time where I feel like a raisin in a river. Small, shriveled and traveling at a speed beyond your control.

So when I am "pruny" I choose to be thankful:

♥ Blossom's epic diary reaction seems to have abated and I have moved her back into undies.
She's officially off soy and dairy for the next 12 months. Not even in baked goods, nada. I am so thankful she is feeling better!

♥ My Mom is on the mildest form of chemo now. She had her second round yesterday and the super nasty symptoms are making a come back already. Thankful that we know what to look for now and the hospital is managing her closely.

♥ I have the sniff of a couple of projects. It's been a lean start to the year but I think the wind is changing! Thankful that God is in control.

♥ Thankful for an amazing little family. So blessed with my little boy and little girl. They bring endless joy to us!

best day

I just had the best day. So needed. I asked one of my besties to come along to the Urbis Design day with me. Its a tour around the inner city of Auckland, visiting various suppliers and showrooms who have teamed up with fashion designers. The showrooms and creations were amazing! We hopped on and off the provided transport going from one place to another. We ate endless yummy food and I was so spoiled with Meg's company.

 Meg and me

 Pretty (hot!) Meg

 I love Auckland!

 Yes, that really is a bath full of chocolate mnms!!

 A freakish motorized arm making painting which were then sold. Hmm, no thanks!

 A mad hatters tea party complete with the hatter himself...

 Loving it!

After the tour I went onto Penny's birthday Low Tea. Really a "high" tea but this is the real name for it apparently. It was here and the interior was crazy. Sumptuous and very very dimly lit, ha! I love Penny so much and I am not alone. Her friends clearly adore her!

 This is how dim it was, a no flash picture of the birthday girl and me

The interior, gorgeous!!!

A wonderful day! Super blessed!

Doing happy

God is good, right? He is control. And I am leaning back in that knowledge right now.

Simoney's latest post recommends the Shack. Awesome book and I need to reread it. The thing is that God does see. Nothing happens on this earth that He does not see. And I guess what that "seeing" means is only He knows. In Africa when someone greets you and says that they see you, it means more than mere sight. It means that they acknowledge you and are honoring your place there in that moment and space.

God says he Sees. Who am I to assume that when He sees it is only sight?

I can imagine what that moment was like for that little girl. What she went through and what she felt. But really I am putting my own spin on it and the words framing that experience are tainted by the teller. By their brokenness and experience. And I read those words and then put my own experience around those words too. Until the essence of that experience is shaded with so many tones of grey.

The only truth is the Truth.

I was not there.

So I do not know.

God says that he has our name written on the palm of His Hands (Isaiah 49:16). That we are loved beyond compare (Song of Songs 3: 12-15).

So I choose happy. I am loved and secure. I am blessed.

Valley

Paisley Jade has nailed it with her latest post. If you haven't read it, do. It's amazing. My fluffy posts are as usual hiding depths that I am struggling to navigate. I have been a Christian a long time. I feel like I know God. I know His Goodness. His Mercy. His Love.

But right now that seems like head knowledge and not heart knowledge. My mother heart is in pieces. I have read of some stories, true stories of children and abuse. Bad abuse. One case in particular has truly seared my heart. I have an imagination that's extreme and my heart is over sensitive. The combination has me sleepless and wrestling with God. All.the.time.

I know enough to know that in times like this we just need to hang on. There may not be   answers but the Truth of Him will sustain. He is Good. He is in control. But the suffering of children undoes me. I cannot bear it.

I know God is in this valley. I just need to wait and try to trust. 

Nana date

We visited Nana in the hospital yesterday. She specifically asked for Rupi to come and visit her and so off we went. He was so pleased to see her and it was a delight to see. Sometimes he stays tucked away in his shell so this was special. He chatted to the other ladies in the ward, gave Nana hugs and kisses and watched the buses out of the window. He told the nurses and doctors that he was Hiro the tank engine (Thomas' friend), ha! We have found that Rupi is coming into his own now that he's 3 years old. He seems to figured himself and life out a little.

On our way

                                                           Auckland hospital

The most beautiful car parking building I have ever seen! Lattice cut steel sheets to look like a forest. 

Outside the hospital looking at an ambulance

The "ice breaker" ice cream. Essential at the start of visits to places he doesn't know.

Chatting with Nana

AND my Mom is at home! As long as she can keep her pain under control they think she'll be fine. Needless to say, no chemo yesterday (thank you Jesus) She now waits for about 10 days before she has another big dose so she can get a bit of strength back. Yay!

A fool

Yesterday morning I get a text from my darling sister, "call M wen you can". M (Mom) has not been doing so well on chemo. I call and Mom sounds like she's half dead. What is more terrifying is that her chest hurts. She's called the doctor and left a message.

I get the number of her specialist and fire off a rocket. I call the nurses and leave a roaring message. Within 5 minutes the nurse calls and I get her to call my Mom. And an hour later she's in hospital. Turns out her heart is ok, thank God. But she has a severe bacterial infection all the way from her mouth to her gut. And her wound from surgery is not so hot either.

After two doses of morphine her color returns and she eats the first food she has had in a couple of days. She's put on a drip and the treatment starts. X-rays are done and she's made comfortable.

It's hard for my family to understand how bad chemo can be. And the risk is that I seem to be over reacting, I guess. But I will be a fool for my Mom time and again. We lost my father-in-law to chemo. It's full on. The best result could have been that I was a fool. That my Mom was checked out, was given a clean bill of health and discharged. I would be happy to be that fool.

But I was not a fool, unfortunately. And my precious mother is probably going to spend her second night in hospital while they try to get her infection and pain under control. And yet, I am grateful. If you spend any time in a oncology ward, you end up feeling very very grateful. There are a lot of extremely sick people there and my Mom is just doing preventative chemo.

She's be fine, I pray. And her fool is right there, ready to play her role.

Blah

My Mom started chemo on Thursday. This is a precaution apparently as the doctors want to make sure that no rogue cancer cells in her blood lodge anywhere else. Came out of the blue for everyone as we were sure that she wouldn't need it after the surgery went  so well.

Anyway.

We are a bit "anti" the whole chemo thing since it was chemo that cost my darling father-in-law his life. We asked my Mom to wait for a few weeks until she was stronger. She is still weak after the sugary and not eating all that well. She didn't want to wait which makes me want to burrow into a hole. I can't stand the fact that she has 15 weeks of this toxin.

So.

To cheer myself up I am posting this cute picture of my Mom, Blossom and Rupi. Note Rupi's body language! Hehe! He's not into physical contact that he does not initiate.... And Blossom is totally zoned out. The only people interacting are me and my Mom, gotta love it!

Lisette you are lovely

In my secret parallel life (the one where I don't have to actually earn money) I sew. A lot.

And because I dream about this life a great deal I buy fabric and patterns and then they sit in a cupboard. They call to me when I pass by and every now and then I look in and stroke them. TMI???

So anyway. I also follow craft blogs . Like this one. I love her patterns and fabrics and books. Today I called in at the local Spotlight store and nearly fell over. Liesl Gibson has released Lisette patterns under the Simplicity banner exclusively for Spotlight. YEEEHAAAA!

I got this one. Yum yum.

By the way, the ladies at the Glenfield Spotlight sewing section have to be the unfriendliest and least helpful people I have ever come across. It's like the customer is there to annoy them. Today I murmured to the lady next me at the pattern bench about how unfriendly they were (after a sales lady had basically told me she was too busy to help me) and unleashed a torrent. The WHOLE bench was soon discussing the inadequacies of the staff. Seems I am not alone!

Shades of awesomeness

This week has been so many wonderful colors. Little girl colors and I have loved it from start to end.

My nanny has been on leave so I have been looking after Blossom and working nights. I am tired but I would not have swopped one minute. Rupi was at pre school an extra day so Blossom and I have had 4 whole mornings just to ourselves.

She is the most amazing little person. At 21 months she is now vocal, opinionated and able to participate fully in all that we do. She is so easy to have along and her little independent and charming spirit captures everyone we have met. We have every Friday morning just to ourselves but this extra time has been a feast. She starts pre school later in the year and so I am so grateful to have had this window of time with just her.

This is our week:

We played in cars

At ice creams

Visited Nana and Poppa

Played on the jungle gym

Disclaimer: Yes she has worn the same top for 3 days this week. I wash her clothes a lot (she gets dirty..!!) and I like the top. Ok, I have issues, I like to do washing and am a clean freak. Anyhoo.

Exploding Blossom

pre-explosion...

My little nephew (he is known as the CUTEST small man, apart from mine) had a party. It was fabulous but for the incident.

I am still covering from the horror of it and those of you with a weak stomach may want to stop reading.

We are keeping Blossom away from dairy and we have started eating a diet that is free from most chemicals and preservatives. So when we arrived at a typical children's party with all the assorted children's party food on display, you would think alarm bells would go off in my head. Sadly no, and so Blossom tucked into orange chippies, chocolate cars and blue jelly beans among other tasty morsels.

A while later she came up to me and said said urgently "Mama, wee wee." I grabbed her and trotted inside to the toilet confident that her little pants could contain what could only be a wee. ON THE WAY she could not contain herself and exploded all over herself and me. I got to the toilet and put her down suddenly realizing that we were both covered in poo. I cried out for an adult. No-one came. I panicked quietly.

I popped her onto the toilet (still covered in poo), ran to the door and screamed for Dida in a poorly disguised panicky tone. The rest is history. We emerged about 15 minutes later leaving behind a scrubbed and sanitized bathroom and carrying a traumatised but freshly showered small person. I was now completely redressed in my sisters clothes with a bag of poo covered clothing and shoes under my arm. It was fantastic.

Lessons learned. 1. Blossom is not over her dairy intolerance. 2. She reacts to violently coloured party food. 3. Bring a change of clothes for yourself as well as the kids.

P.S. On a positive note the party was great and my nephew is super cute.
P.P.S. Not everybody noticed the incident. Mr Samoa asked Penny why I was wearing her top... Bless.