Sweetpea

She's been on my mind. I think Easter reminds me of her. I think especially of sacrifice at this time. My God gave His son for me. Chose to allow His Son to die so I can have life. I make no bones that that kind of sacrifice is inconceivable for me.

I could not give up one of my children for anyone. Sorry. I wish I was nicer but they are beyond precious to me. If one of you needed life at the expense of one of my children....sorry. You would be meeting Jesus in heaven *wink*

Yet Sweetpea did. She looked at what she could give Rupi and at how much she loved him, and made the ultimate sacrifice. She chose us and gave up her chance to be a Mommy to him. Yes, she's still his birthmommy, but I am the Mommy that he knows. The one he reaches for and calls "Mama".

When I read about adoptions I am so happy and so sad at the same time. I feel such joy for those who's breakthrough is coming, but I know of the sorrow coming for those on the other side.

I know Sweetpea misses Rupi with every fibre of her being. I know she thinks of him every single day. I am so glad she knows he's safe and loved and cherished. Imagine not even knowing that... She knows that she can come up to Auckland at any time and see him. He is accessible to her.

But.

I am the Mama that tucks him up in bed at night. The one he wants to cuddle. The sacrifice was on her side. The pain on her side. The fullfillment and joy on mine. Two edges of a sword. Sweet and bitter. So I think of her and I pray for her. And I hold Rupi tight and we look at photos of her and we talk. About growing in Sweetpea's tummy and how much she loves him.

Last time we saw her she held Rupi and kissed him. The love shone out of that kiss. And she told him out loud for the first time in my hearing, that she loved him. My heart was full. And it broke at the same time.

So I honour Sweetpea and those like her. Who choose a sacrifice I cannot begin to imagine. They are an example of Christ to me. They lay down their desires and dreams so another can have what they dream of.

Pretty jolly humbling.

Toot toot....

Aside from the special-ness of the weekend, it was made extra special. Last December I booked tickets to the W.iggles. Yes, them. Pre-baby you scorn them, I admit. Grown men prancing around in coloured suits...well, I ask you. But. Post-baby it's a whole new world. Now I know all the words to all the songs and most of the moves too. Shamefully I could probably put on my own show. The aqua W.iggle. Nice.

Anyway, my sister and I took our little W.iggle fans along to the concert this afternoon. There were two VERY excited little men in the back seat!

Before the show, grinning from ear to ear

My sister (bless her) had promised my nephew a "Big Red Car" toy. So when he got one there was no way Rupi would put up with not having one either. Think nuclear fallout- PRE show. Here they are with their (gulp) NZ$30 cars...

Waiting to go in, bonding over their cars....

Grown men prancing around in coloured suits...with an octopus.

Me and my boy.

It was actually lovely. The W.iggles are not arrogant and came off the stage a fair bit and walked around the auditorium. They also seemed to have a good time and weren't jaded at all. Ok, I admit, I am a fan (sshhhh, don't tell ANYONE)

It was a wonderful experience and a special date with my little man! Loved it.

Selfless

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

As Christians we talk on and on about God's love. Sometimes it gets a bit ho-hum. Sort of loses itself.

But when I stop to think about it, truly think, it takes my breath away. God's love is like a fire, all consuming. And like a fire, it's unstoppable. It burns through boundaries, walls and stumbling blocks. It literally sets the world on fire.

Only with that kind of love could He contemplate allowing His son to die for others. For us, you and me. I have to admit, I could not let Rupi die for someone else. Even thinking that makes me cringe. The hard ugly truth is that I simply could not.

But He did. And Jesus willingly allowed Himself to be nailed to a piece of wood so you and I could know Him.

It blows my mind.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so selfless and so loving.

Weekend!

This was a great weekend. We needed a great weekend and this one delivered.

We had Turbo's third birthday which (unbelievably) was fun. I say this as it was pouring with rain and we had 6 children under 6 in one little house. There were only the cousins there which gives you an insight into the insanity of family gatherings at this point. But no one died or killed another one and I think fun was had by all!

 Blossom slid under the radar around the floor, under things,scavanging as she went. No idea what she ended up eating....

 Dida pretending to eat his (cute and must hug his aunty despite not wanting to!) nephew

 Rupi and another cousin playing with balloons. Apparently popping balloons is the new great thing. My Dad had to take a stroll outside (in the rain) at one point to recover from the noise. Tsk tsk.

The birthday boy himself playing with our present. I made him a car tote with a road to play with on the move. I (think) he liked it!

And then...

We had our photo shoot this morning with them! It was postponed from yesterday as the weather was crazy downpours of rain. We woke up to the sun shining and blue sky this morning- woohoo!

We did the shoot at an idylic regional park a little out of Auckland and it was amazing. Wendy is SO nice and took the time to put Rupi at his ease before we began. She shot him on the go and we didn't have many times where we all stood still. It suited Rupi down to the ground and I think she got some lovely shots of him. Blossom just chilled and went with the flow. Wendy sat her in the dunes at one point among the sand grasses. Think it will be amaaaaazing!!!

It was a blast and we recommend Blue Lily so much. Can't wait to see the photos!

Hope your weekend was good too!

I tried.

I love this blog. This girl has suffered. And her hurting helped my hurting. Her honesty carried me through at times.

The final line on this post resonates in me. ...and I will know that I tried with my all.

That's all I want. To know that I have tried with my all. This season is hard and stretching. Running a small business and raising small children means constant evaluation. Making room for so much means letting so much go.

I long for Him. I may not talk about my God a lot but He is always on my mind. I long to hear the wrods "well done good and faithful servant" one day. And I want to tell Him that I gave it my all. Everything I had. Most times it wasn't enough and often it was so little, but I give it my all.

I love to imagine meeting Him for coffee. At my happy place. He's big and solid and kind-of reassuring in presence. We get our coffee- me a tall soy mocha and him a venti long black. No sugar thanks. The boy serving us wonders why this giant of a man makes him feel so safe and this brings him to tears that he hides behind the coffee machine.

We wander over to the banquet seating and we sit down. I sit beside Him and get as close to Him as I physically can. I imagine Him ewaring a thick wool coat that feels warm and scratchy when I rest my cheek against His arm.

We sip our coffee not saying anything. I can feel Him just waiting for me. There's no rush, He will wait for me. Tears thicken my throat and well up inside me. There's so much I want to say but the most important words that come out are "I gave it my all, Jesus. I tried."

I am weak and so very mortal. I am broken and extremely tired. But I want to know that I gave it my all. That I loved Him beyond measure and that, for Him, I tried.

I am so...

EXCITED! I am a Nienie fan and have always loved the photos she gets done of her family. Her photgraphers are this amazing couple. I am not a photographer so don't quite know what I love about their photos, but I love them. They are so vibrant and alive.

Anyway. This couple travels (see where I am going? Yippee!)....

And are in Auckland NEXT WEEKEND. I booked a session with them last November and I have been getting more and more excited ever since. It cost a lot, more than I have admited to Dida- but Meg reckons I got a good deal. And she should know being a talented photographer and all.

So we are ready! The outfits are all chosen- not to matchy-matchy but co-ordinated. I am a designer after all and can't help myself. The heads are all cut/ styled and , in my case, coloured. The bribes for small people are planned. The only fly in the ointment was pointed out to me by Dida- we need to somehow keep Rupi out of the sea as the shoot is on a beach and he is utterly  slightly obsessed with swimming.

Nevermind! Nothing can stop us having fun and having some shots of a wet child can only add to the beauty (I think!). Only 5 more sleeps!

Things I am loving and Grateful for...

♥ My Work

I have been head down and bottom up for the last month with all the work I have on. It's been intense and slightly mad but this is such a blessing. It means that my little children do not have to go into daycare and can be at home. It means that I can help fill the family coffers and it means that I can....

♥ GET MY HAIR DONE

I mean REALLY done. Salon cut and colour. Ah, the bliss. I haven't had this done for so long. It's such a treat to be pampered and choose what I want with the stylist. Talk colour and what will look best for my hair. I love my hair now!

♥ Pink

I am not always a fan of pink- it's so stereotypical. But oh my gosh. There is just something about a little girl in pink. Freshly washed in her jammies. Argh. I.want.to.eat.her. And because she's mine I can smoosh her neck all I want (which is a lot!!!)

♥ A late afternoon Ritual

Mama and the kiddies on the trampoline every afternoon. Universally loved by everyone. Autumn afternoons are the very best- crisp but warm enoough to wear shorts. So good.

Very grateful for so much and loving it all!

Have a great Sunday!

Linking up with Paisley Jade and Maxibella

I did it....

Yup I did it. The coast to coast 16km Walk for Christchurch. It is the most magnificent walk through some amazing parts of Auckland and me? Well I nearly died. This was due to the lack of actual physical training I did. I focused more on the mental training needed...ha.

I complained to Dida that I felt there was a lack of support coming from the homefront and he explained later that it was because he was freaking out. He thought I was insane, as I did myself, and neither of us slept well last night. (This may have also been due to Simoney's homemade tiramasu with coffee in it that we scoffed over dinner last night!)

The walk was organised by Gail who was part of a contingent that led the walk. In fact someone in her little pack said they COMPETED to be at the front. I was just glad to finish the walk let along compete in any way, shape or form.

There was 6 of us who stuck together including Lyns and Meg. It was SO nice to spend time with them, they are amazing. The other 3 women were a bit older than us and one led the way (fabulous) and another was our navigator (even more fabulous). So really all I needed to do was put one foot in front of another and keep up. Nice one.

The walk itself was gorgeous and the weather even better. The most marvelous thing was that I completed it. And can now round up payment. Yay, a million times. I (and my nervous digestion system) can now relax and have a glass of wine. Amen.

We set off....

Across the city heading towards the domain

I already had my "what the heck" face on

Lyns and Meg (seriously nice girls)

Doing our "alternative route" up Mt Eden

Top of Mt Eden

Top of One Tree Hill (again we took an alternative route"!)

The best sight in the WHOLE world!!!!