Thursday, April 14, 2011

I tried.

I love this blog. This girl has suffered. And her hurting helped my hurting. Her honesty carried me through at times.

The final line on this post resonates in me. ...and I will know that I tried with my all.

That's all I want. To know that I have tried with my all. This season is hard and stretching. Running a small business and raising small children means constant evaluation. Making room for so much means letting so much go.

I long for Him. I may not talk about my God a lot but He is always on my mind. I long to hear the wrods "well done good and faithful servant" one day. And I want to tell Him that I gave it my all. Everything I had. Most times it wasn't enough and often it was so little, but I give it my all.

I love to imagine meeting Him for coffee. At my happy place. He's big and solid and kind-of reassuring in presence. We get our coffee- me a tall soy mocha and him a venti long black. No sugar thanks. The boy serving us wonders why this giant of a man makes him feel so safe and this brings him to tears that he hides behind the coffee machine.

We wander over to the banquet seating and we sit down. I sit beside Him and get as close to Him as I physically can. I imagine Him ewaring a thick wool coat that feels warm and scratchy when I rest my cheek against His arm.

We sip our coffee not saying anything. I can feel Him just waiting for me. There's no rush, He will wait for me. Tears thicken my throat and well up inside me. There's so much I want to say but the most important words that come out are "I gave it my all, Jesus. I tried."

I am weak and so very mortal. I am broken and extremely tired. But I want to know that I gave it my all. That I loved Him beyond measure and that, for Him, I tried.


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8 comments:

Venessa said...

I love this post. It was something that I needed to hear today so thank you for sharing it!

mountain mama said...

amen girl, i often think of that too.

meeting him face to face...i long to hear, "well done good and faithful servant" instead something else.

all i can do is try my utmost...and i mess up a lot!

Meghan at MNM's said...

Sammy this was so utterly beautiful that I really shouldn't have read it on my iPhone walking down the street a couple of hours ago as I nearly couldn't see where to put my feet for the tears and emotion it brought. This is my heart's cry too xx

grace kay said...

wow this is soo beautiful

Lyns said...

Beautiful, touching. Thanks for sharing xx

Cat said...

Dearest Sammy
you don't have to wait to hear those words...God is saying them to you right now!
"Well done Sammy, my good a faithful daughter!"

love and light

Gail said...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I agree with Cat.
And I want to say "Thank you for being His mouth piece". You are a good and faithful daughter - in ways that only He knows!! We do things without knowing or thinking that He is the one moving us to.


I needed the encouragement from your comment today. Timely, as per God-usual. I don't receive compliments particularly well and I'm not always one to look to others to be built up, but it's nice to know that someone out there thinks you're not doing to badly! I have had moments of complete insanity recently.
I'm gonna miss you too friend - those infrequent IRL hook-ups.... will probably only miss one or two in the space that we are away, but still!! It will surely be missed!

Will get a date out very shortly re: bloggy coffee before we go. Funny to think that someone will be living in my home..... and it won't be me!! I hope it doesn't fall apart on them! It's ok to fall apart on me, but not on others!!

Brigitte said...

What a beautiful picture you've painted with your words - LOVE the thought of sitting down with Jesus and having a coffee, and just BEING in his reassuring presence. Thank you for sharing this, I hope you find the peace and strength you need right now xx

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