Monday, April 25, 2011


She's been on my mind. I think Easter reminds me of her. I think especially of sacrifice at this time. My God gave His son for me. Chose to allow His Son to die so I can have life. I make no bones that that kind of sacrifice is inconceivable for me.

I could not give up one of my children for anyone. Sorry. I wish I was nicer but they are beyond precious to me. If one of you needed life at the expense of one of my children....sorry. You would be meeting Jesus in heaven *wink*

Yet Sweetpea did. She looked at what she could give Rupi and at how much she loved him, and made the ultimate sacrifice. She chose us and gave up her chance to be a Mommy to him. Yes, she's still his birthmommy, but I am the Mommy that he knows. The one he reaches for and calls "Mama".

When I read about adoptions I am so happy and so sad at the same time. I feel such joy for those who's breakthrough is coming, but I know of the sorrow coming for those on the other side.

I know Sweetpea misses Rupi with every fibre of her being. I know she thinks of him every single day. I am so glad she knows he's safe and loved and cherished. Imagine not even knowing that... She knows that she can come up to Auckland at any time and see him. He is accessible to her.


I am the Mama that tucks him up in bed at night. The one he wants to cuddle. The sacrifice was on her side. The pain on her side. The fullfillment and joy on mine. Two edges of a sword. Sweet and bitter. So I think of her and I pray for her. And I hold Rupi tight and we look at photos of her and we talk. About growing in Sweetpea's tummy and how much she loves him.

Last time we saw her she held Rupi and kissed him. The love shone out of that kiss. And she told him out loud for the first time in my hearing, that she loved him. My heart was full. And it broke at the same time.

So I honour Sweetpea and those like her. Who choose a sacrifice I cannot begin to imagine. They are an example of Christ to me. They lay down their desires and dreams so another can have what they dream of.

Pretty jolly humbling.



Nicole said...

They are pretty amazing. I can't even begin to imagine...

Lyns said...

You have such an amazing approach to this. I seriously think I would struggle with this side of adoption, but I love how you are doing it xx

Venessa said...

So true...a beautifully written post!

Shelby said...

Beautiful. I feel the same way about Patrick's birth mom. His birthday was last week and I just could not get her off my mind all day. Such a sacrifice they made. One I am pretty sure I would be too selfish to make. Bless your family and Rupi's birth mama!

jennohara said...

This was a beautiful post. I'm sure she knows how happy and what a wonderful life Rupi has. Your approach to this side of adoption really is spectacular.

Gail said...

Sammy, wow. I'm so, so happy that you are Rupi's Mama. He is your son. The love is so strong, the bond to strong. It's clearly evident.
Your love for Sweetpea is so special too - precious. I think you and Dida are amazing - and it will help with her healing too.
Reading this touched something that I understand as a child whose mother made the choice to give me up to my dad: It wasn't easy for her, but she knew it was the best thing for me. It took me a LONG time to understand that love.
Rupi will "get it" much earlier than me. That is a blessing!

Elizabeth said...

I have an older brother who was adopted out at birth... Praise God, he has made contact (it was back in the closed-adoption days) and we have all met him. He had a wonderful upbringing and an amazing family - his Mum has met my Mum now (so birth mother met adopted mother), and like you - she said to Mum that his birthdays were always a little bitter-sweet, as she could never get Mum off her mind even as they celebrated with Dave.

Sarah Ann said...

This gave me goosebumps. What a sacrifice, and what a special mommy you are!

mountain mama said...

truly beautiful words~

we are praying about adopting one many emotions that will be felt i'm sure.

God bless~

Simoney said...

Wow. this is beautiful SAmmy

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