Happiness is

I am just so happy.



My hubbie did some thing so wonderful this morning for Rupi but I am not allowed to share just yet. It's KILLING me. However as I am always respectful and submissive (ahem) I am obeying. He's incredible and makes me so happy.



Rupi and I had morning tea together at one of fav places in the whole world- Starbucks, while waiting for my hubbie. Yes I know, I know, Starbucks is a global coffee house and the coffee may not be up to every one's standard but it makes me SO happy! AND! The Gingerbread Latte is back!!!! I wait all year in anticipation and when it arrives round Christmas time, it makes me all happy and glow-y on the inside.















My amazing hubbie sorted out a family tangle this morning. Crazy stuff. Only he could do it. I was in awe as he stood firm, spoke the truth and took the lead with his immediate family. Love him and love God in him. He makes me so happy- again!



I have a bump!!!! I am overwhelmed that I have one. I have waited 7 years to expand out the front and despite the (many many) doomsayers, I am loving every moment! I feel great again and just love my sticky-out tummy.












I am so happy!

My my....

what a BIG boy!

From this....

To this!

And with a snip of the scissors (and lots of tears) we left the hairdressers officially a toddler!

14 weeks and 0 days

14 weeks today! Woohoo! My hubbie put his finger on it when he said "It all feels solid now" We are past the nail biting anxiety of the first trimester and are well into the second trimester. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???? I obviously can't at times!

I posted my candy off for the Great Candy Exchange but can't show what I posted as I had to do some last minute changes at the postshop when my 1.5kg of sweets cost the earth to send. So my photos are out of date! I had to ask the man behind the counter to repeat himself at the amount.... so some swopping occurred as I was not willing to let go of the two big bars of Whittakers chocolate I had in the stash. It's chocolate, people, and jolly near the best there is! Lucky I had spare packets of sweets on me (well, I couldn't buy for Froggity and not for myself now could I?) I got it down to 1.2kg and left it at that. There's only so much compromising a girl can do.

I also haven't posted about Rupi's first birthday party. It was a very awkward occasion and this is partly my fault. I really wanted both the birth mum and birth dad there as I know how much it will mean to Rupi one day to know they came. So I asked both and bless their hearts, they both came. But all the emotion, the grief and history meant that the two groups could not mix and so we ping ponged between the groups with Rupi in tow. Who had not had an afternoon nap and was very very grumpy.

We couldn't spend time with our family and friends and luckily they all amused themselves. The thick tension in the air was hard to miss, except by Mr G, Simoney's husband who finally figured out what was happening as they were leaving. Men.... God bless them and their ability to ignore vibes. Imagine a world of only women- horror!

We got some lovely photos anyway and this will fade to a distant memory. My hubbie is adamant though that the next time we inflict this torture on all concerned will be Rupi's fifth birthday!

.

The gathering of awkwardness

My Dad, Rupi and me

My Mom and Rupi

My MIL, Rupi and my hubbie

So yes!

It's out and everyone knows now. Feels great. Not so great that the news will really hurt some bloggie friends that I love. Praying for some special girls and their hearts.



We saw the little 7.5cm bean today and he/ she was so active. Barely kept still enough to get a good picture! But it's all good so far. The scan person (no idea of title!) said that the bean was picture perfect and that's good enough for me. I was desperate to see the heartbeat and she was so lovely. Put the scannie thing on my tum and 3 seconds later said "heartbeat!" We had not even made sense of the monitor yet. She was so nice.



So here he/ she is!










I cannot believe that this little bean is inside me! Infertile, barren girl! Honestly if it can happen to me it can truly happen to anyone.

The big white elephant

It's getting harder to blog normally and not talk about the pregnancy. Well, the last two milestones are nearly over. Today at Rupi's birthday party we'll tell the birth parents (gulp) and on Monday I have the 13 week scan.



It's been very quiet on the bump front and I have been a tad concerned. Plus I have been feeling really good since about 11 weeks and my energy levels have got back up again. I also feel less hormonal and more rational. To top it off my bump went down a bit but I thought that maybe it was because the tummy tissue wasn't bruised and swollen from the heparin injections anymore....



Anyway I didn't want to worry my hubbie so spoke to my Mom about it. She assured me it's ok and normal. Great! Today and yesterday I have felt achy and "drag-y" in my pelvis again. Also great and things are moving and happening. So the scan should be ok.



I should just blog about it and maybe I will. We told family that they could tell people and my mother in law (bless her Jesus, bless her) sent an email out to THE WHOLE WORLD. Including a Danish student who stayed with her about 6 years ago.... hello? He's pleased apparently. Being a private person this is quite overwhelming.



So really it would be good to get rid of this white elephant in the room that fills my whole vision!

11 weeks and 1 day

Well.



Feeling a lot more human which is nice. Must say, the secrecy is starting to kill me. All these posts are in draft form and I just want to publish them and get on with it! However my hubbie is adamant, 12 weeks and THEN we go public. Alrighty then.



I had another scan last week which went well so I am pretty relaxed now. I was a bit (!) scared before the scan, but once I saw the little heartbeat I cried (as usual) and was ok.



No more blood thinner injections or any other kind of medication. Lovely! I have more energy now. I wonder why our western view of medicine separates our body into pieces? Eastern medicine views us as a whole which makes more sense to me. It did not even occur to me than thinning my blood would sap me of energy. Duh. My body was having to work harder to get enough goodness around my body as the blood was all watery.



Anyway. This is a total ramble of a post. Will toodle before more meaningless waffle comes out of my head....!

Hurt

We decided to tell two sets of people our news today. They are good good friends and deserved to know. Trouble is that I know our news hurt.



I know what it's like to get our news. I know that hurt and pain intimately. So very well. I know the rush of feeling, the denial, followed by the sharp sense of pain which dulls into the ever familiar and present ache.



I hurt to hurt them. My heart hurts. We were both very somber after then calls we made.



And I am not sorry that it does hurt. I never want to forget what it feels like. Too much was experienced and felt and there is a respect for infertiles that I will never lose. I know when I finally publish these pregnancy posts that I will hurt some beautiful bloggers.



And I can't do a thing about it. And that sucks.