Friday, April 18, 2008

The F-Word

Failure. A great word. It's one that tries to haunt me and hangs around me when I am vulnurable. Failure. The failure to produce children and be a "proper" woman. Often a woman is defined by her children and the ability to produce them to carry on a family line. And a man's fertility is seen as integral to him being a "real" man. So as people walking through this particular journey, it's critical that we do not allow ourselves to be defined by our ability to procreate.
This is hard for me as it's my body that is struggling to fall pregnant. There is no issue on Michael's side at all, in fact the very opposite. So I have really had to get close to God to hear what He says about me, as the word failure sneeks up on me when I am emotional, sick or tired.
When God created the earth and people, there were no children at first. God says in Genesis 1: 31 that what He created was "excellent in every way". So the family unit (Adam and Eve) was pronouced excellent before they had children. So as a woman, I am excellent the way I am now. I do not need to produce children to be whole and we are a family unit now.
When failure comes knocking, it's friend "guilt" comes along as well. Guilt reminds me that I can't do this and shows me what Michael is going through. It becomes my fault. Michael is incredible and tells me again and again that he would choose me regardless. I am so blessed. But I also need the Word in me and I find that Romans 8:1-2 helps me so much when I am feeling guilty.
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.
So get lost guilt and good-bye failure!


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