Saturday, April 12, 2008

Natural order

I am the eldest of three girls. And life has always followed a natural order. As the eldest, I graduated from school first, had a boyfriend first, got married first etc etc. Then the middle sister did all of that and then the youngest.

But infertility has turned that order on its head. I am the only sister without children and both my sisters are waiting to give birth to children. In fact our middle sister is going to have her second child.

God has a sense of humour as I remember saying to my youngest sister, when the 300th person around me fell pregnant, that the only thing I couldn't bear is if she had a child before me. Why? She's 9 years younger than me and in my head at that time, it would have been the final nail in the coffin of Sam being infertile.

But here I am- the thing I said I couldn't bear is right here. So can I bear it? Surprisingly I can. Does it mean that I am destined to be infertile forever? No, of course not. Will it be hard going into the hospital to see the babies? Of course it will. But their gain is not my loss.

That's really important to remember. God does not play favourites, no matter how it looks or feels. So when I walk into that hospital I will remember, by faith, that I am the apple of His eye and His promises for me are ''yes and amen".


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