So here's a "keeping it real" post. And it may make some of you uncomfortable. My response? Too bad (in a loving huggy kind of way)! If it does, I am touching a nerve and that's good.
This is Dida and I on our wedding day. We have a rock solid marriage. We have never had issues or counselling. We have worked at our marriage but we are really compatable and it's a very good relationship. Even through infertility, which rips couples apart, we just went from strength to strength. He's my everything and I am his girl. There are boundaries we just won't cross with one another and respect plays a huge role with us.
So struggling in this area is completely new. Since Blossom was born we have really struggled. And only now that we see daylight am I actually ready to share. We laughed again this last week. And I realised laughter has been gone for 4 months. Dida is a funny guy and he cracked jokes and I giggled. We teased and no-one got upset and ran out of the room (Me usually. Ok, only me.) We.had.fun. And fun has been on holiday.
Why don't we talk about how hard this season is? Why don't we actually talk to one another? No-one warned Dida and I that this season could be seriously stressful on our relationship. We are in church, for heaven sake! As most couples have more than one child, others HAVE to have gone through this. Do we wear a mask so much that we are afraid to admit this season is tough on marriage?
I guess so. Because I am starting to talk about it and bringing people to tears. Case in point, yesterday in the parents room I asked someone how they are doing. How they and their hubbie are really doing. And I said we have found it tough. Instant tears. Yes, was the admission. It's really tough. So we shared and then laughed and this girl said she has been feeling so alone. Not good.
And as Dida and I talk we see that others are going through the same. And have gone through the same. And some of you reading this have gone through it. I know who you are! Now that we have gone through it we can see the signs. So why don;t we talk about it? Dida reckons it's because we then label people as "struggling" in their marriage. And that label may not come unstuck. Well, label us at your peril! No, we are not splitting up. No, we do not need counselling (at this stage and never say never). No, this is not forever. It's a short and intense season of hardship that puts incredible stress on a relationship.
We have been so tired that our tanks are completely empty. After Rupi has taken what he needs and likewise Blossom, there's not a lot left for one another. Some nights I just want to lie down and not think another thought. But we are parents and there are endless things to be done. So the snappiness starts and misunderstanding and miscommunication reigns. Horrible.
God has been speaking and this post is already too long. I think I will share again the things He has been saying. They are good and have helped so much.
BUT! Let's be real. Let's care and ask the questions and then open up. I am going to ask and pray and listen. There is a way through and Dida and I will be stronger and more in love. We are in this for the long haul and truly love one another. But it's been rough. And that's keeping it real.