Dear me

Us in 2001

It's no secret that I am forever changed by infertility. That 6 year journey was life changing. I don't think that I did it "well" or "had it together" and I think that's part of my journey. I was brought to my knees by infertility and by the time Rupi came, I was shattered emotionally and spiritually. That has humbled me incredibly and I think that's part of His Purpose for me.

I struggled with hope a lot. Trying to be faith filled and hope time and time again. I eventually stopped hoping and dreaming and had to learn how to dream again once Rupi came.

This last weekend I did Beth Moore's live simulcast day. It was beyond awesome. So much spoke to me including a line in a worship song we sang. We sang "His Word secures my Hope".

I wish I could put my arms around the me in the months before Rupi came and tell me this. Tell that me to go back to the first word He spoke and hold onto it. That His Word would secure my hope. That I didn't need to try and hold on. He would secure me.

This was one of the first scriptures I ever got for my future. Back in 1998, way before we started on the journey of trying for a child, I got a promise.

Even the sparrow finds a home, and the swallow builds her nest and raises her young at a place near your altar, O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God! Psalm 84: 2-4

I lost sight of that first promise in the long wait. I was always looking for the next word to suit the latest challenge. But that first promise was all I needed. Because He did secure my hope. I am living the promise I got all those years ago. We are raising our young near His alter and life is very sweet. Very sweet indeed!