Sunday, August 15, 2010

Missing






Grief is an odd thing. Everyone grieves differently. I have grieved very differently for my father-in-law than my hubbie has. His grief was all encompassing and very strong. It’s now faded and the good memories remain. Mine was less overwhelming but has taken longer to subside.

It’s been over two years since we lost him but in many ways I am not over it. I miss him horribly at certain times and at those times, the loss is indescribable. The last time I felt this was the day Blossom was born. I kept expecting him to walk into the hospital room and somehow could not come to terms with the fact that he would not. It was so surreal.

I also dream about him and the dreams are so vivid. I dreamed about him last night again. In the dream he had died but somehow was back. He had been in heaven but was now living back on earth and had just arrived. He met Rupi and I introduced him to Blossom by handing her to him. I was crying and I told him how much I had missed him. How much this moment meant to me, that he was here and meeting his grandchildren. I remember trying to explain the loss we had felt and now the joy that he was here. In the dream words were inadequate as the feelings were so huge.

Even today, hours after I woke up, I had this sense of loss. I mean, it’s been over two years! And still I feel such loss at times.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this and how long it takes to “get over” losing someone. It’s like part of me cannot accept he has gone. Part of me has not realized he’s not here anymore. Crazy.





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3 comments:

PaisleyJade said...

Wow - grief is such a strange thing. I do at times still feel overwhelmed with grief when thinking about certain family members/experiences... especially when the grief is triggered by something.

Writing about it is probably one of the best things you could do. xox

Cat said...

Sammy I am so sorry for your loss
and you are so right that everyone deals with it differently
our dream sounds lovely...a really special moment
I have found it just takes time...and even with that there will come moments...triggers when you remember and feel your loved one so clearly and you long to touch them, hear them, be with them.
It is the human condition. The biggest thing I have learnt is just to sink into it, not fight it...feel it, remember and love the one that has pasted on and be blessed by the time we did have together.
Your love for your father-in-law is a great gift.
love and light

These Three Kings said...

praying the God of all comforts give you rest and peace in the days ahead!

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