So anyway.
Normally this time is one where I weep and hope against hope and then often get mad. But actually I am fine. I did not place an expectation on God this time, I mean, I hoped and prayed but left the outcome alone. The terrier in me did not worry the possible outcome to death and then lie exhausted and howl at God when it did not work out the way I hoped.
It's ok. It's ok to be here. Well, the only thing that's not ok are all the blood tests and pain associated with them but I won't go there as my breathing has just quickened.
And the question I am asking myself is this. Is an "egg donor IVF cycle baby" any less of a miracle than a "natural conception baby"?
Funny, but I see in people's eyes that it is. When I talked about adoption over waiting for God to open my womb naturally I saw the look in their eyes. Ahhh... less of a miracle. Less of God. Less faith. More natural and less supernatural.
God has already said to me that the miracle is not how we have a baby but what happens along the way. And a lot has happened. Rupi's conception, birth and now life with us is a miracle. The odds of what happened happening with all the natural and spiritual opposition is completely miraculous. So much came against this God ordained process.
So is the fact that we have adopted less of a miracle? And the fact that we will go into a clinic and be helped along the way to a pregnancy (by faith!) less of a miracle? I have to say no.
Part of me would love to defy the medical world and stun our family and friends with a natural pregnancy. But why? Is that showing God's Glory more than a little 7 day old placed in my arms to be my son? That day our entire world saw God's Glory and rejoiced.
I can't grade miracles. So I am ok to be here, waiting for my red friend to show up and get this show on the road.
Bring it on! (but not the blood tests....!)
4 comments:
Sammy, I totally agree with you; I just got chills reading your post. It's every bit as much of a miracle for you to become a mummy, however that happens - and like you say, it's what God does in the process that's just riddled with the miraculous. WE are rejoicing with you already, and will continue to, no matter how your miracles occur! Luv You! xx
Reuben is such a miracle...I remember hearing of his arrival over here in Oz was really SOOOO excited and happy for you both
AMEN FRIEND!! the miracle is def. in what happens along the road! i love that
i once remember reading that FAITH stood for
F.abulous Adventures In Trusting Him
and what a adventure it is...what a privilege, that the GOD of heaven would want to take us on this ride along with him...
love you dearly!
So true! God wants us to take steps as well as wait on Him. Without faith, you wouldn't have Reuben! So glad you stepped out x
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